SchizoAffective Disorder is quite terrifying actually. I can't trust my senses, since I might be hallucinating, so I have to check with others to validate what I sense. I hear voices sometimes. Sometimes their friendly, sometimes their not. The mood disorder or bipolar aspect that tags along with the psychotic features has made it difficult to maintain relationships, romantic and otherwise. The medication I use works, but it quiets the voices and lowers my emotional state so much, that I often appear lacking a personality and creativity is practically nill. When I am off my medication, the delusions can be quite satisfying even exciting. I get lost into my own little world of imagination. The hardest thing to cope with by far is the lonliness and feelings of being different from everyone else. I developed this in my mid twenties. Up until then, I had a life, a promising future and lots of friends. Its been tough adjusting. I am very intelligent though and when unmedicated and manic I can complete some great artwork. Every once and awhile...like every 6 months or so, My doctor allows me to go off my meds for awhile, until I can't take it anymore. Its usually a matter of a few months before the illness starts to seriously compromise my life. In the end though, I go to the meds like a person swims for a life preserver. More than happy to trade the voices, flight of ideas, mania, delusions, creativity and intense energy for some mental peace and stability. It's exhausting.