Mother's Day blues

Not coping today

i haven't been able to get out of bed & can't stop crying

my daughter has been so sweet making me the nicest Mother's Day presents & she would not let me wait until Sunday to open them! Lol -I read the card & started crying- so she gave me a hand massage with the body scrub she made at school to make me feel better it made me cry even more-

i don't feel like I am a good enough mother to her

i don't feel well & have no one to turn to for help-

i feel so depressed & don't no why- then I realise oh it's Mother's Day tomorrow- my mum was abusive & is now dead & I am trauma bonded with her - my adult son has been brainwashed against me by the entire family his whole life & I have no relationship with him as a result because he is abusive to me - my family is evil & I hate them- except for my daughter she is the one ray of sunshine I am living for - but my heart is hurting

i had the worst insomnia last night because we visited my daughter friend from her old school-& it was a very unpleasant experience- every interaction with this girl & her mother makes me & my daughter feel bad about ourselves- so I don't know why I'm even bothering trying to keep up a friendship with them- well I do -for my daughter- but honestly from the moment we arrived & the rude flat mate completely ignored my existence & my child's existence - very triggering for me as this is what my family has always done- ignored my existence- to the boyfriend completely ignoring me on his computer & I'm just literally sat there like a fool by myself- to previously, the mum ignoring my txt messages- my daughters txt messages & making plans with us only to break them repeatedly & tell me they had a better offer- to giving her $10 for my child to get her sushi for dinner- yet my child gets home & tells me she only got TWO pieces of sushi for dinner because they all shared- & yet when I take her kid out for dinner she doesn't give me any money at all so I pay for her kid to eat- I tell her this when I drop her kid off - she doesn't thank me or offer me money- she has been rude & is mean to me infront of my kid & is rude & mean to my kid when I'm not there - my child has told me & also she is rude & mean to my child infront of me- & her kid is mean to my kid-I would never be mean to someone else's child in a million years-& especially not infront of the parent!- what kind of stu- pid is that?-what kind of stu- pid am I for allowing that & then trying to maintain an ongoing friendship??

why do I put up with this shiz? Is it because it's all I think I'm worth? Is it because I'm so used to being abused it feels normal & natural to me? I thought I was doing it because it was my daughters best friend & they had a special bond- but maybe I am just more comfortable with being treated badly than properly & nicely- I really think that is it!- I am so messed up.