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When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Unknown userMember07 May 2016, 6:40 pm AEST

When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

There are so many reasons not to SH right now but I've been holding on for so long I feel like I'm at breaking point. SH for me will find me ending up in a hospital bed. What helps others get through at this point?

10 replies

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In response to: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 May 2016, 6:46 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Hey @Former-Member

Is there something you can do to distract yourself right now eg. listen to some music, watch a DVD or call someone on the phone to have a chat???

I know what that feeling feels like. If I get like that I usually ring Lifeline and have a chat to a counsellor. Even just sitting and taking some slow deep breaths will help you.

Pls take care, let us know you are okay xx

In response to: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Unknown userMember07 May 2016, 7:03 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Thanks @BlueBay. I lost it and started drinking and was feeling out of control. I have a little contro back now. I went to go on lifeline chat but it's not open yet. I soooo badly want to SH but know it will make things so much worse in the long run. This afternoon I felt like I couldn't take a trick and I was/am swinging wildly emotionally.

In response to: Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

ethSenior Contributor07 May 2016, 7:27 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

@Former-Member you can ring lifeline on 131114 it's free. A lot of us here feel the way you are feeling at times or have in the past. Do you want to talk about what's triggered you to feel like this? We are here for each other.

In response to: Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 May 2016, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Hi @Former-Member

I dont know if you are on your own at home or trying to hold together in front of others. Sometimes being physical and going for a walk/run helps and other times it is being quiet with books, music, movie as distraction and way to get through time. I have been there many times in the last 10 years but have mostly managed not to SH since then. I do now have a life that is worth living. Take care and reach out. Find what works for you.

In response to: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Unknown userMember07 May 2016, 7:59 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Hi @eth I have been trying to hold on for the last couple of weeks. I have lots of normal life stresses at the moment, having to break my lease and move houses because I can't afford it, a teenage son being a teenage son and fear of losing my therapist to name a few but it's just the accumulation of lots of little things that tipped me today. Everyday I have been fighting SI and I'm just so tired from it all.
Hi @appleblossum thanks, it's good to be reminded that you can get past this. I couldn't focus on anything before but typing this is helping. I think that sometimes that's what helps if I go on lifeline chat. Having to focus on typing is a huge distraction for me. However it's the interaction that helps maintain that focus. For now I'm calmer. As you say now it's just time to get through to tick another box for another day.

I'm sorry I didn't want this to be my first discussion. I was just freaking out and let it get the better of me. The pressure is also on because to have any chance of keeping my therapist I need to stay out of hospital. I've come really close tonight to messing that up. Thanks for everyone's support.

In response to: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Unknown userMember07 May 2016, 8:00 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm so sorry to hear what a hard time you are going through right now, trying not to SH. You have shown a lot of strength in coming to the forums and seeking help. It’s really important that you speak to someone about how you feeling.

Do you have someone you can speak to right now (aside from your fellow members on the Forum)?

If not, we know some really helpful services. Unfortunately we are not a crisis service, but some places you can call now for support are;

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

If in immediate danger: 000.

I know when I am feeling really down watching TV or movies doesn't really help.. Doing something physical is normally more productive! I like to colour mandalas, write down how I'm feeling, go for a walk, play with my dog (talk to my dog, is that weird? haha she understands everything!).. and something new I've picked up is knitting! Great for mindfulness stuff.

I hope that helps @Former-Member. Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

ethSenior Contributor07 May 2016, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

@Former-Member great that you're feeling calmer now. No wonder your stress has been flaring up. Just get through one day at a time. Do whatever relaxes you. When do you see your therapist next? The others in this conversation made some good suggestions. Hope you find something that works for you. Also just slow, deep breathing works wonders for me.

In response to: Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 May 2016, 8:18 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Glad you a little calmer @Former-Member

I hope you will be okay tonight. Thinking of you. Others on here have given you some great suggestions.

Take care xxx

In response to: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Unknown userMember07 May 2016, 8:38 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Hi @Former-Member,
I usually find my dog to help too and he is like my child who doesn't talk back. My last straw tonight was losing his favourite ball down the drain and I can't afford to replace it which is an idiotic reason to end up in hospital but I guess that was where my brain was. I was so mad at him for letting it go down their which is also stupid. I usually do puzzles on my iPad but it was flat and the charger is playing up. That's why I was really struggling, my main go to things were out and I was looking for help. Luckily just being on here helped break the cycle ( plus eating something to mitigate the alcohol). Anyway thanks for the suggestions and support.

In response to: Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Unknown userMember07 May 2016, 9:01 pm AEST

Re: When you've been holding on for so long and not sure if you can anymore

Hi @Former-Member,

It's great to hear you're feeling a bit calmer having talked about it.

Yes, you're absolutely right- in hindsight these things (like a dog losing a ball!) can be so small and insignificant (on a good day!) but sometimes it can be just one more thing on your plate or pressure on your shoulders that is one thing too many, and makes you feel completely overwhelmed.

You must be so frustrated that your usual methods of relaxation and calm aren't available to you.. Puzzles on the iPad is a great one! I'll have to add that to my list 🙂

I'm glad you're eating something as well- alcohol and SH is not a good mix. It sounds like you are powering through. You're showing so much strength, @Former-Member, it's honestly- really inspiring.

I hope the rest of your evening picks up. Sending out lots of positive vibes.

P.S. could you have a look at a local op shop for things for your beloved fur-baby to destroy and lose?

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