Dateline. 4.00am
My mum lives alone. Late 80's until 12 months ago - competant and comfortable. I started to see some changes in her memory and cognition. She presents a good face to everyone else, it has been an uphill battle getting anyone to 'believe' me about the severity (at first mild but worrisome that she was till driving her car, then moderate and now confusional states lasting minutes to hours). She ended up in hospital after driving in a cofusional stae, crashing her car (she wasn't physically hurt, just very confused) early April. She has now lost her licence, we had the car fixed and sold it.
She was devestated to have lost her 'independence'. I have been calm, acowlwdging the loss of her car/driving, at the same time trying to get her to accept it and start to use taxiss and medical transport to get to the doctors.
SHe has been adamant she wants to 'stay in her own home'.
She has been saying 5 times a day "i just want to die'. I have been trying to acknowledge her feelings of hopelessness and change in life circumstances, and then also encouraging her to get with the programme of supporting her own desire to stay in her own home. Having to be competant, eneged and able to do a certain amount for herself. (which was very patchy effort)
She was on a sleeping tablet (30 + years) and it seemed perhaps this tablet was contibuting to memory and confusion. In the hospital they started to withdraw her from this medication, then I oversaw the next 4 -5 week withdrawal, slow step down smaller doses.
Eventually she was at nil.
Then, to compensate for the loss of the sleeping tab, she started drinking. Doesn;t take much at her age. She hid that. So I have been dealing with being faced with a Mum, who I love very much, being in utter confusional state and me thinking it is was nuerological/demtentia related. But that MAY be related to a drinking prblem that she has been hiding (very well!) and rather than demntia she is depressed and drunk alot. (OMG) My Mum, the strong, dignified, former Nursing Sister.
This week, I dunno about 7.00 -7.30pm ish in the middle of participating in Topic Tuesday and interested in the subject (dear to my heart), I received a phone call from my brother. He had called my Mum. He lives interstate. I live in the same city as my Mum but 45 minute drive away. I had spent the entire day with her taking her to appointments, cooking her lunch, and settling her down for the evening. She was in reasonable shape when I left her to go home. Leaving there at about 5pm.
He reported that she seemed 'vague' on the phone. I suggested he call her back and let's see if he can shift her into the present and divert her vagueness into alertness enough to get her to bed. He tried to call, but she couldn't hear him, then the phone was engaged. I have enough experience with Mum's confusional states to take an educated guess that in the absence of anything else to do she would hit default mode and get changed and put herself to bed. She did.
I arrived at 9.00 am yesterday. She was in a vague state, wandering about the house muttering. Then she had explosive diahrea in her nightdress, on the carpet etc. Okaaaay. This is new, dealing with this mess, her dignity, I just kicked into 'nurse' mode and did what needed to be done, helping her to the loo, then to the shower, then to get dressed (she insited on dressing in clothes). Then I instisted she remain laying down until xx time, that I did not want to see her out of bed - that I was just down the hall and if she needed me to call out.
Then I started the AGEDCAREMERRYGOROUND on the phone. OMG, people. What a total head f*ck. I am barely hanging on to myself, new meds in February that ae not sitting right - mean I have been cycling through in a hypo, then mixed state, then hysteria then depression rapidly and have been struggling with my head.
The number of phone calls I made, and got conflicting advice - this service said abc, this other service said XYZ about the same thing. I eventially just called a carers support place and had a meltdown and they said I could arrange emergency respite for Mum for my sake and refferred me elesewhere (which was a good referral thankyou carer support people!). Then the MERRYGOROUND started again. 'Do you have power of attorney, no not yet the paperwork is drawn up but has not been activated, are you registered on MYAgedCare - no she has a Department of Vets Gold card, oh, then don't talk to us, talk to them, I have they told me to talk to you. Well we would need a medical summary and a list of her medications, okay I will call the doctor. Doctor will not provide it without Mum's consent, madness she is unwell, she will have to come in. oooookay.... So I took her in they took one look at her and did everything I asked. I was so sorry to have to put her through that it was gruelling, getting her in and out of the car, getting her there, getting her in to the doctors surgery and everything etc.
What an utterly STUPID system this all is., 25 thousand different agencies all providing similar things, no one taking me seriously - UNTIL I called a carer support agency (are your registered with us?NO!!!!) and had a BiPo/anxiety Meltdown, oh then MAGICKED up from nowhere was emergency respite. I would not have HAD the bloody meltdown in the first place if the various agencies just helped instead of pushing me from pillar to post to bloody back blocks with incomprehnisble jargon about aged care and not really helping excpet to suggest some other phone number. I had two phones going - a land line and a mobile, I'd be talking to one service and another one would call back on the other phone. I felt so squeezed. Unravelling at a fast pace, then when it was quiet I would breathe deep and chant in my own head...
I am a tree and mountain a cave, I am strong, solid, deep and brave. Then just pick up the phone and make the 'next' call.
What a day.
Anyways I needed to get all that off my chest. So have now.
So I did organise for Mum 24 hour care in home for three days, I may be able to get her into a two week respite in a facility without an ACAT - TODAY. God I hope so, because i am wobbly as.
Poor Mum.
