Topic Tuesday // Defining your role as a Carer // Tues 21st May, 7pm AEST

Hey @outlander thank you so much. Do you feel with the siblings etc maybe sometimes people don't acknowledge/respect the level of support you give them? It is no easy feat, especially if they're younger siblings, because it requires a certain level of patience and mentorship We hear you, and we acknowledge your compassion amongst this community.

Hi @outlander

It's tough being in a caring role for so many people. I started caring for my mum, and then my pop who we lived with started to become unwell too, and it just piles up. For me, finding "me" in between all these caring roles was really important. Especially because everyone in my family started seeing me as just 'the carer' the one who'd do it all. I really needed to find my own identity in all that other 'stuff.' I actually ended up trying to learn to play the guitar at one point and then took up dance at another point just as a way to remind myself of my unique identity outside of being a carer.

Haha who doesn't! We're all human, and the desire to whinge is inevitable @Tictac Thank you for sharing. Do you communicate with your partner about this feeling of imbalance? Or is it too soon in the recovery journey?

@Tictac and @Shaz51 you make very similar points about trying to balance these different roles. I totally get it - the number of times I've automatically gone to tell mum about something I'd want to tell 'mum' only to have her answer the phone in a crisis and having to switch from son to carer - it's so challenging. But, I try and save up these moments for when she is well, so we can still have those mother-son moments of talking about first-dates, successes at uni, travel, shared memories etc...

I am just catching up on reading thread. I can relate to so much posted here. From being a carer as a young person, to the struggle about shifting roles and how I describe my position and my own struggles.

It is important to find a language that feels true to one's self.

@Shaz51 Hearing you that it is extra hard to care ... when the cared for person is in denial ... about their need. That has happened to me a lot. It is what it is ...

My role as wife has disappeared. Maybe it will return if we ever get a diagnosis, but my role as a carer is for the most part trying to keep boundaries in place an normalise our life for the kids as much as possible. I try to demonstrate to them how to get on with life around the issues, and how to communicate about their own mental health needs.

One of the kids keeps reminding their dad that they are the child, not a parent in the dynamic, which is helping to keep boundaries too. I think that is a really important one for @outlander who has become a “parental sibling” in her role.

I feel a bit like a life coach for our kids, and they coach each other. They can also try to coach their dad in ways he won’t accept from me. It’s a team effort around here.

Language is important, and reintegrating back into our own identities outside of these roles, thank you heaps @Appleblossom

This is incredible @Faith-and-Hope "One of the kids keeps reminding their dad that they are the child, not a parent in the dynamic, which is helping to keep boundaries too. I think that is a really important one for @outlander who has become a “parental sibling” in her role." Thank you so much for sharing this.

I like the concept of collaborative coaching within the family unit. A delicate ecosystem no doubt 🙂

very true @Appleblossom

@Former-Member, @Tim_YPA

my husband has cancelled all help , he thinks he is going good with him and mediction

my mum thinks I have my daughter ( Me ) to help her , don`t need outside help or very little of it

Okay wonderful humans, time is slipping by 🙂 @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @Tictac @Tim_YPA @outlander

Many young carers are unidentified. This can be for numerous reasons whether it is because young carers don't identify with the label "young carer" or family members, teachers, and other service providers aren't familiar with the signs of being a young carer.

What are some key signs that you may actually be a young carer?

If you are not a young carer - what is your view on this issue?