Hi @BlueBay, I remember from a conversation a few weeks ago where you spoke about your husbands behaviour (going off) and how scared and fragile you were after that. I am so happy you have spoken about ways forward with your support team, that is such a good thing to have done for yourself and your marriage.
Sometimes we just want to be 'heard' I understand that and goodness knows my partner of 25 years knows that too! I came across this brill little picture yesterday and shared it with my partner... and they laughed and said yep! (I am definately the little red guy here in the picture sometimes!).

So MUCH goes on in my head that never makes it to the outside, I often want my partner to be a mind reader - they should "KNOW" what is up with me, how can they NOT know I feel this or that etc? Aren't they paying attention, they mustn't really love ME if they don't know I am upset/distracted/struggling!!! When I have never actually told them? Just done mimes and tehatrical pieces hpoing they will guess th charade.
I notice more these days that everyone struggles and we all fall into a pattern of coping and when things have been fraught, or just stressful and busy (for the past 20 years) - we can grow apart just paddling our own little wobbly canoes doing the best we can to survive.
There are two people here though, them and us... and our shared life.
But deciding to tell them 'HOW I FEEL" has not always been the best of strategies, because they too are people, doing their best (or failing to do their best!). Or deciding to tell them how I would prefer them to be has had unintended consequenses too because it is criticism of how they have been and maybe they too have just been doing the best they can...
It is important to open up communication and move closer together and sometimes a spring clean is needed, but sometimes, being loving, seeing our own 'faults" (When I am stressed for instance I am too judegemental, I am very picky and controlling, nothing my partner does is 'right" Like ythis scenario... "You never do the shopping!" They come home with some groceries the follwoing day after work. with smile "Okay, Darling, I have done some shopping!" , as I dive into the bags "WHAT IS THIS?" I say with a snarl, we never GET THIS!
God I'm a horror, I can see their face fall and their shell grow thicker. Oh damn, I have just garunteed no more shopping ever.
and no amount of sorry at that point can take back the implied critisim, you never shop and when you do its wrong anyway.
So we all have our ways of making things harder - and I have found that the most useful and wonderful thing happens when I start to look at my parter anew and start to praise them, and make them an extra cup of coffee or ask them about their day and really listen. (that is like a silent apology for all the times I might have been a right bitch and know it) AND it is done with love and open hearted intention to just be a nice person to the one I really DO love.
Sometimes our shut down buttoned up struggly difficult lives have a bad effect on the people we love and who do love us, thatis not our fault, we did not choose our mental ill health but neither did our partners, so sometimes backing up a bit and creating something new together is better than hauling over the old in the hopes of making it better.
Congratualtions for getting through 30 years of initmate and close relationship that is awesome, if a little thin and worn right now and 30 years is not to be sneezed at! This up coming 30th anniversary trip away might just be the perfect place to rekindle love and spark - not necessarily with all deep and meaningful conversations, nor intimacy if that is not something you can do (I can;t and haven't for over 10 years either). Relax a bit and take a trip down good memory lane... "rememeber when..." have conversations that can get you laughing together... "remember when you... came to the door for the first time to meet my parents? OMG! You had odd socks on by mistake". With purpose and focus... over the time away together revisit all the wonderful times, good memories. Maybe the good memories have gotten buried for both of you under parenting and MIL and like everyone else at our age and stage - the business of teeth clenched, grit determination living.
There are quite a few things on the web that talk about how to have 'conversations' with husbands (which indicates to me - more wives want to have "conversations" than husbands! But maybe - although it will be important to be 'heard' at some stage, clearing the air and moving towards some healing around things that hurt, maybe for both of you just lighteneing up and having some fun and sparkliness and creating a trusting space might be what is just the ticket.
Our number one rule in our relationship is "Always be on each other's side, even when the other one isn't being on their own or our side".
Just a very different perspective, and maybe ther eis something in this that helps a little...