The pain within

@outlander Hello, how are you going? Hope you are enjoying the Easter break. I just had a bit of turn. Now feeling a lot better. Funny every time, I face my pains, I feel a touch better after.

May be it’s the psychologist work. My head and neck sore from this morning’s car trip. I got some herbal oil to rub in them to feel better.

Hope you have a good afternoon. Take care.

@Meowmy It can be very hard work facing up to the lives of earlier generations and the experiences that may have contributed to our own current difficulties. I have had to see my neglect in the context of my parents' real life problems. Why they were the way they were ... It is impossible to take on all the burdens of the world so drawing some lines in the sand is also helpful.

@Appleblossom Thanks for care and support. It is hard for me to see my father in his true colours. How he totally controlled us in every way out of his own selfish thinking and needs.

That my needs and wants were completely disregarded.It is hard for me to see the reality that was his true intention of selfishness rather him being a victim of his circumstance.

It is hard to accept that in his mind, he deeply just think I was an object, to be used or discarded as he pleases for his emotional needs.

That my needs and aspirations not only not nurtured but completely discounted.

He was not at all interested in my needs or wants to be fulfilled.

He only wanted what he can get out of me emotionally when I was young, financially when I grew older. He did everything to make sure I will not be able to get out of his total control.

However miserable I was under his thumb ,he couldn’t care less.

Anyway, I am getting better now psychologically.

Thanks again for care and support.

@Serenity1 @Thanks for post. It took me many years to calm my feelings. Those intense pains sent me psychotic many times.I until recently never felt I could survive. But I think being on the forum, cared for and supported, bit by bit, I gained some confidence. It has only been three weeks I have been on the forum, I have much reduced Suicide struggles, even when I feel deep pain.

May be if you write more, open a bit more. Always welcome to tag me. I will write back as soon as possible.

Slowly we can get better together.

Take care. Talk soon.

Hi @Meowmy I'll reply to you on this thread alone. As I'm running low on energy and many tags and replies weary myself.

I think if all people respected every individuals desire to provide themselves with their own needs and wants the world would be a better place. And of course in a law abiding and righteous manner... because i believe all people instinctively know what they need and want and how to acquire this... and what will and won't work for themselves...

Looking back upon my life i realise that there was alot of external and outside influences which were very misleading... and quite simply had the motives of their own needs and wants at the forefront of everything they were doing ~ as apose to my own ~ and as apose to empowering myself with the ability and means of providing myself with my own needs and wants... hence producing stability, happiness, secuirty and so on... instead it was about theirs... what bigger resentment could their possibly be??? Follow suite or rebel??? 😋

Of course one has to abide by the rules of society they come from... (parents/authorities) respect people in general)... and one needs to learn/know right from wrong... and of course one needs and wants help in life... and one will probably be drawn to where the accommodation of their needs and wants are most supported... (also where their ability, means and virtues are nurtured into a condition of being free, independent... and able to have their needs/wants met... all based around their needs and wants...)

Unfortunately no one lives in a perfect world and we all have problems... but just the essence of having a direction which points toward a better life for myself and everyone else ~ is enough to keep me going... and yes I've had to experience alot of bad stuff ~ just so i could learn and begin working toward the good...

I've changed myself and brought everything back to my thoughts, feelings and actions as best i could... because really that's all I'm in control of... and if everyone else in my life truly loves, cares, supports, accepts and understands me... i think it fitting that they also do the same... if not... I'm not going to spend my life thinking I'm the one with all the problems and defects... and they can also wear that label to... if so...

@Serenity1 @Good morning. Hope you feel better . May be small steps. I find there was reasons that I kept having breakdowns. Then I started seeing a psychologist to work on some deep stuff. I am getting better but still feel quite lost.

May be try to get some professional support. I find my psychologist helps since he has been on board.

Hope you will have a good day.

Take care.