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Feeling worse after appointment

Eden1919Senior Contributor10 Apr 2019, 2:24 pm AEST

Feeling worse after appointment

I had my 2 appointments well one was a phone call anyway I feel worse now. like a lot worse. I feel like a wound that was only just starting to heal has been ripped wide open. I dont know if this is the best thing for me and i am counfused because everyone says this is the right thing to do or that it is what i need but then why is it making things worse why does it always make things worse and never better. the only times i have felt like things were going somewhat ok where when i had been AWAY from mental health services for a while. I am really confused and i dont know who or what to trust or what to do anymore but all i see/feel when i think about engaging with services if fear and danger. I honestly feel that my life is not safe in their hands and that it is in danger if i go down that path. but then that is what everyone says is supposed to help. I dont know if i should trust me the one who is labled as crazy or everyone else. but then i also think of many times people have been called crazy when they were just figuring something out and everyone else had not caught up and later that pesron is thought of as influential. I am not saying i am speical or anything like that i just mean what if everyone is actually wrong or if they are just wrong about what is right for me....? I really dont know what to do.

4 replies

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In response to: Feeling worse after appointment

jay2Senior Contributor10 Apr 2019, 3:52 pm AEST

Re: Feeling worse after appointment

Yeh, I had one of those type of appointments last week. The shrink didn't really want to listen to me,all she wanted to do was to fill me up with vile pills and push me out the door. This week all I want to do is keep clear of people,to be alone with my own thoughts to be in a quiet place. The b******y phone wont stop ringing,I am ignoring it. Do what your body tells you to do ,as long as you are not going to harm any one ,any thing or yourself. Do something nice for yourself,give yourself a treat. With draw for a while till you feel more in control. It's not all you,it's this insane world of never ending political arguements and wars. Every body is in a big rush to get to hell in a hurry and if their not doing that they are scheming of how to rip the system off or some poor soul. Love and peace be with you.

In response to: Feeling worse after appointment

s-jaySenior Contributor11 Apr 2019, 12:52 pm AEST

Re: Feeling worse after appointment

Hey @Eden1919 - do you feel like this is something you could express to the person you are having appointments with? Copy and paste this post even - to show them. I think it explains it very well and they need to know how you are feeling.

In response to: Re: Feeling worse after appointment

Eden1919Senior Contributor11 Apr 2019, 2:18 pm AEST

Re: Feeling worse after appointment

@s-jay I dont think i could tell them at this point and it is not so much what the indivudiual person has done but my issues with trauma as a result of the entire system. i am really confused and all i feel about seeing them is scared. i am not sure how to explain it but there is anohter issue only i reallly dont know.

In response to: Re: Feeling worse after appointment

Fredd50Senior Contributor17 Apr 2019, 1:22 pm AEST

Re: Feeling worse after appointment

Hi Eden,

I'm so sorry to hear this is what you have been going through.

It's very familiar and I think you are incredibly brave and amazing for speaking out about it.

The mental health system is my primary trauma I've been through the violence and gaslighting that sadly so many of us have been through too.

The feeling of not knowing who to trust in the system is so familiar. I so sorry that it's hit you.

All I can say is that what helped me was to trust myself, find safe places and soothe, make sure that if I did raise an issue with someone I did it from a place of safety. Eg. Having several supports under my control so that of one person gaslit in response to raising a complaint I could walk away.

There are people who are starting to understand the depths of institutional abuse in the MH system, Unfortunately there are also many still in denial.

Feeling like not knowing who to trust was a natural part of trauma, for me, it was a time to slow down and trust my instincts. Be kind to myself, let life unfold slowly. It's a natural thing that happened in response to e.g. DV and realising the person I had trusted was hurting me. In time with kindness and respect to myself, the natural patterns started to emerge and I could get more of a sense of what was safe or dangerous. Unfortunately, the MH ideology puts everything "inside the head" it was hard to find support to help me navigate a world where other people were abusive. Unfortunately MH wanted to keep putting it back in me. I don't know that most of them meant badly, it was just what they were trained to believe.

DV counseling helped a lot more, because their theory focuses more on the abuse dynamic which is interpersonal rather than putting everything "inside" the individuals mind as in "mental health".

But the best therapy has been feeling safe and in control of my own space, giving myself time to learn. The best support I've found were pro who were willing to listen without judgement as I slowly worked through things, not impose their own views on what I needed. Slowly things started to make sense. What they offered was support: they let me be in control and were just there for me.

If you don't feel like the person you are seeing professionally will respect your own understanding of yourself, it might indicate someone else might help better. But the person who knows you best is yourself.

I'm so sorry but really hope that things start to unfold in a good way soon, you are an incredible brave person. IME a lot of emotions can come up while healing. It does settle down and thankfully brings with it much greater wisdom than before. Nothing is for nothing thankfully 🙏

Wishing you all the healing in the world

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