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How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

tigermothContributor28 Apr 2016, 8:48 pm AEST

How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

my husband has PTSD and was diagnosed in 2014. He is seeing another woman who he says is just a friend. He is never home, infact he is out with her now and will also be almost the whole of Saturday. This relationship between them is no good for him as he is constantly tired and bad tempered. He hardly speaks to me and when he does he is either nasty or angry or both.

She broke with him last week and although the drepression and anger was actually worse than it was when he was first diagnosed, there was a small improvement and his mood was begining to improve. Now she has decided that she wants to come back into his life he is back to being constantly angry and depressed after only three days.

I dont know what to do any more. I feel like the spare unwanted wheel in this whole situation. He spends the whole day talking about how wonderful she is, if I say anything he thinks is critical about her the anger starts again and I am starting to feel uncomfortable in my own home.

Does anyone have any advice? I am starting to wonder if things would be better if I just left them alone and moved on.

4 replies

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In response to: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

2or3thingsIknowContributor29 Apr 2016, 11:31 am AEST

Re: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

Hi Tigermoth,

It’s so good that you decided to reach out on the forum. You say you feel like a spare unwanted wheel and uncomfortable in your own home, this must be such a difficult situation for you to navigate as you try to figure out what is best for you and your partner. This sense of confusion and difficulty in making decisions can be a common experience for people who are supporting a loved one with a mental illness. Perhaps other carers on the forum will express similar thoughts and feelings when they find themselves caught between the needs of their loved one and their own. What struck me when reading your post was the issue of boundaries and the ways in which boundary setting can become complicated when it involves someone experiencing mental illness. It can also be difficult to figure out what our own limits are. It sounds like your relationship is not where you want it to be and that your partner is either not talking at all or communicates in an angry or nasty way. Whatever the reasons are for this behaviour, it is important to remember that we all need to take responsibility for our actions no matter how difficult that may be at times. Have been able to talk to anyone else about this situation (besides here on the forum)? This sounds extremely stressful for you so it is important that you get your own support as you navigate your way through this. As a starting point you may wish to get in touch with some carer or relationship support organisations.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you going.

2or3thingsiknow

In response to: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

CherryBombSenior Contributor29 Apr 2016, 12:09 pm AEST

Re: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

I agree with @2or3thingsIknow - boundary setting and understanding your limits in relationships is important.

@tigermoth I also think it's important to think about what YOU need in a relationship. What do you need and want from your husband to be fufilled in your relationship? Does your partner have the capacity to work on this with you?

You sounds like an extremely understanding partner. Relationships blues can be so stressful and confusing.

** hugs to you **

CherryBomb

In response to: Re: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

coffeegirlSenior Contributor05 May 2016, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

Hi @tigermoth

Just wanted to see how things are going?

In response to: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

LilyContributor06 May 2016, 10:26 am AEST

Re: How do I help my partner when he is always out with another woman

Hi tigermoth,
It sounds like your in a really awful position.
Im sorry to say it does sound like you have become the third wheel in your own marriage, I hope you can realise that you are better than that. I really don't think anyone should be in your position. Your his wife and your opinions and feelings need to be the most important to him, not some other woman.
But no one can make him change who or what he cares about.
It sounds like a very unhealthy situation for you to be in.
Be strong and look after yourself.
Lily

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