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i don't know whats happening

RicePuffCasual Contributor06 Apr 2019, 4:19 pm AEDT

i don't know whats happening

i've always been told immediately by family and friends if i've done something wrong, this is why i hate work so much because they don't tell you untill they fire you.

But today i had a friend/housemate say that she was upset with be that i didn't apologize for breaking something that happend over a month ago even tho she never said it was broken, she said it needed different screws and she was going to use it for studying.

But suddenly i broke it and i don't know what to do

i dont feel safe anymore i feel like no one is ever gonna openly communicate with me and that everything im doing is wrong, and that because she brought this up when i was complaiing about cleaning i'm not allowed to have problems without being told i did something wrong.

The rational part of my mind is reminding me my housemates are terrible at communication because of their anxiety and abandonment issued but because of this i feel like i'm slowly becoming a terrible person because everything i do is upsetting them.

i don't know if i actually am a bad person or its just living with them and i feel so worthless, i feel like what botheres me means nothing to them.

3 replies

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In response to: i don't know whats happening

YellowbrickRoadContributor06 Apr 2019, 11:01 pm AEDT

Re: i don't know whats happening

That sounds stressful!

Try listening to your rational mind and don’t let yourself dwell too much on your downfalls. Maybe you’re just a little hard on yourself as well, and you’re amplifying the fact that someone has brought up a problem.

When you find yourself thinking that you’re doing everything wrong or whatever the negative voice in your head is saying, tell yourself ‘stop’, and divert your thoughts to something positive. It doesn’t matter how many times that thought comes back, just say ‘stop’ and divert them again. Over time, your brain will begin to stop focusing on the negativity. This is something my old boss taught me and I thought it was ridiculous at first but it actually worked for me!

In response to: Re: i don't know whats happening

AppleblossomSenior Contributor07 Apr 2019, 11:18 am AEST

Re: i don't know whats happening

Hello @RicePuff

We all like to know where we are at with people, but real communication is often far from ideal.

I remember being in share houses and everyone had so much going on in their lives. SOme things bother some poeple ... and dont bother others ... give yourself a bit of slack ... ask for feedback but you have rights too ...

Take Care

Apple

In response to: i don't know whats happening

frogSenior Contributor07 Apr 2019, 11:28 am AEST

Re: i don't know whats happening

Hi @RicePuff it's so frustrating when stuff is raised long after the event. Sometimes that happens when someone is feeling defensive or even just beacause of their own crap that's going on - sounds like you're aware of that with your housemates' anxiety etc.

I also know that feeling of not being able to raise issues/problems, and having them dismissed or worse. It makes me feel like I don't matter.

Try and remember your worth is independent of them. If the broken thing just needs screws, is it possible to get them? That would be an act of good will even though your housemate seems to be behaving unreasonably. Take care and try to go easy on yourself.

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