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BPD and too much is enough

Kim75Contributor31 Mar 2019, 8:37 pm AEDT

BPD and too much is enough

Hey everyone

Where to start?

At tgis currenr moment i feel like im about to explode. My BPD is only just under control but the extreme emotions i have building up is worrying. Im safe but completely overwhelmed.

My marriage has all but disolved and my abandonment issues are so severe i just want to run. I wont and cant though. My kids need me but im struggling alone.

A month ago my 18yo son told me of abuse he suffered at the hands of my partner at the time and the father of my youngest girls. I did what i had to as a parent and the law and i am shattered. No one wins, my girls dont understand because i cant and wouldn't tell them anything, i cant afford a lawyer so will apply for Legal Aid but it is costing everyone so much emotionally. My eldest daughter is getting married in a couple of weeks and its too hard for her to understand why we cant be a part of that and why i have no answers for her as he was her step father.

I just wish for calm. Calm mind, emotions, life. I dont want or need excitement or money to be happy. Just calm and for all this 'stuff' that sems to hurt my family and myself to go away and stay away. I don't want to be shown by life and other people how damn strong i am, im alive, after everything in my life im here. Thats enough.

Ive just had enough.

I.want to be happy for a change. I want my family safe.

I want my husband with me, here to hug.

Why is that just too much?

1 reply

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In response to: BPD and too much is enough

CheerBearSenior Contributor01 Apr 2019, 2:00 pm AEDT

Re: BPD and too much is enough

Hi @Kim75.

That all sounds really hard and it's totally understandable to be feeling overwhelmed and like you've had enough 🙁 It's so tough to see our kids and our family hurting. It can also be incredibly difficult to do something you have to do as a parent when you know that something might cause more pain or not be understood by others. I was in a position that sounds kind of similar, where I needed to do something big because of the actions of my children's father. It's had huge consequences for my kids and myself and I've struggled with that for a while. It felt to me like no-one won, as you mentioned feeling. It really sucks to have to live with the pain and damage of another's terrible choices, especially someone who is supposed to love and care for you and your family.

I really hope you find some of that calm soon. It's something I think we all deserve to have.

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