I think my wife has NPD please help ! i cant take it anymore :(

@Corny

Hi,

I'm not doing well. I had a relapse into severe SI. Not only that I completely broke down. This happened two days ago when I got the news that she has objected to the FVRO. I collapsed.

I didn't think I could be any worse than I was. I had just started to function somewhat then that happened. I've been violently ill for the last two days. Throwing up, crying, major migraines, panic attacks, reverted back to being a child, while body aches, not really knowing where I am, being completely blank in my mind, not being able to think properly at all and the list goes on.

My lawyer is costing me $550 per hour. I havn't met with them yet but have spoken to them. I have to go to Perth. I've gone back to not wanting to leave my house. I just sit here blank. If a thought comes into my head about her I go into panic and think she is in my house which she is not. I don't trust anyone.

I don't want to talk to my therapist. I did the day it happened. I feel nobody understands the hell in me and I have no energy to talk. Nobody asks and if they do, they won't listen to my answer. I've almost become like a mute because so don't care anymore. I'm suffering immensely and I can't present rational and normsl right now. That's what the narcissist wants. To make me look crazy, irrational, and the one in the wrong. It's common that narcs use the courts to get to their victims. It's not about power and control over you, it's something else entirely. To them in their minds they have already won because they are entitled, always right, grandiose and they need the attention, outward validation in order to validate themselves because it is impossible to do it for themselves. They cant. Unfortunately for me at this stage she could very well win because I have had no chance at recovery, I'm not strong enough to do all the things I would need to do in court and she did a stellar job of making me feel crazy and at fault for everything that it is taking my mind time to dispel these things.

It seems to be so hard for people to set aside time and really just sit with me patiently to help me understand, to allow me to feel and not judge me, to help me believe in me again, to provide me with reassurance and safety. To just damn well care.

I don't even know how I'm going to find the money. The thing is at any time she wants to she can just simply say, Oh I withdraw my objection. Ty here is no penalty for her, yet I potentionslly lose hundreds of dollars and am forec to undergo more trauma when I literally cannot cope at all with anymore or anything.

So basically there is no justice for me and I am te victim not the perpetrator.

Sitting with you @Powderfinger .....❤️

I am in a similar boat ..... in legals against NPD ex.

I am sorry that you have relapsed P, but I am not surprised. It is quite terrifying how quickly SI can come over you, really scary. This is a fact that I was ignorant of until it happened to me when I learnt of my Mum’s knowledge and complicitness in my CSA……you don’t have to have a MI diagnosis to take your own life, there are times when it can almost feel like a biological reflexive impulse in the face of a predator or life threatening situation that is unbearable. I know you’ve said that you don’t want an admission onto a ward, but if it becomes life threatening I really hope you choose to go. They are imperfect solutions but you may chance upon a kind soul that cares.

I’ve never navigated the legal space with AVO etc because I was a child and my abusive mentally unstable father had full control over the whole family including my very unwell Mum, but I am shocked and dismayed that your ex can even contest it….I didn’t even know that was possible. That’s terrible and what chance do people have of ever feeling safe, and the community being safe of her pulling this again on someone else.

I am not shocked at the cost of the lawyers……how can they preach about the fight for ‘justice’ when the first hurdle to achieving it is so enormous…..$$$$$$. What other profession do you know of that charges in 6 minute blocks. It is so wrong and unethical, it shits me. But it continues to be one of the most popular university courses for the $$$$ people especially want to get into corporate law where the big dollars are, but the entire system is so screwed up for the average person.

There’s no shame in having health vulnerabilities P. You said that you have a history of D&A addiction and you have found yourself onto this website so some mental health too, and trauma. These are legitimate health problems, do you have medical documentation that can be submitted to the court. You can’t be discriminated against for being unwell. She can try to make you look so called ‘crazy’ but health problems are health problems, you’d hardly be the first.

The critical turning point in a DV situation to gain full control over you, is when an abuser can get you to act out that resembles their behaviour, be it hit back or throw them to the floor etc. If you fought back she has had you question who you are as a person, and the line between you and her blurred, BINGO, she’s gotcha. This is a critical moment because then you start to sympathise with her, even if it was in self defence, you start to ask questions in your confusion, she can’t be that bad, because I just behaved the same, and I know in my heart of hearts I am not a bad person? They play on human psychology to their advantage……if you fought back and she made you feel just like her, that’s when an abuser has you trapped in captivity forever. The only way you can get out is if they die. Don’t allow her to question your own goodness, you are a good person trapped in a violent situation. If this occurs she will have you in prison forever. Her children will become like her, or if not and quite the opposite, they still will not be able to see the whole situation in all its hideousness until she dies.

I am sitting here with legal and medical paperwork from Mum’s unit about my father. He was outside of the legal definition of insane because he didn’t have a psychotic illness…..but Oh my, thank god he is no longer here. It was so powerful that he convinced me, Mum & my sibs that we were horrible, bad people. It kept us bonded to him until he died. Don’t let her get your head that way because the walls will cave in.

If your mates are judging you P that’s just because they are scared. You said yourself that you have a history of D&A. Couple that with SI………shiiiiiiiit, that is a heady and dangerous combination that has not ended well for thousands and thousands of people, your friends aren’t silly, they know how this could end. They are just scared because they love you and feel rejected. Drugs make those not on them feel rejected.

I understand not wanting to talk, withdrawing and feeling mute. If you weren’t an adult you’d be chronically dissociated right now, and would lose years…..but you are an adult P and we can rise up from the ashes like an amazing hawk with beautiful coloured feathers and a graceful glide free from these psychopaths, with a puppy under each wing and our own private island and rainforest to play in.

https://twitter.com/WallyCorgi/status/1440855258264059911

I've never been married @Faith-and-Hope so I won't pretend that I understand what a 30 year betrayal feels like but I have been up against an abusive person who also has a mental illness (NPD) in the court system, and then his narcissistic sister trying to grab whatever she could......its hell. Took years off my life and would have contributed to my nervous breakdown, Thinking of you

Sending gentle hugs your way @Powderfinger. I am hoping that, contesting it or not, that woman now leave you alone. She probably has to contest it to save face, but that doesn't mean the boundary won't be effective anyway ....... hugs n hugs Hon ...... wait and see what happens. We can't always predict the outcomes and they can be surprising.

Some NPD's attack when they have been wounded (like 'mine') others retreat and go pick in someone /s else. I hope that's the case for you, and nobody else lets them in, so she finds no substantial 'supply'.

💞 @Corny .....