Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

not knowing.

PeppiPattySenior Contributor24 Mar 2019, 12:16 am AEDT

not knowing.

Hello All,

It's been a while.......

things have been getting difficult with Mr Buddha and me. He is still the same loving gorgeous man I've known but mood swings rock the boat, very little intimacy and flat, non emotional behaviour wearies me.

Last week, I signed up for Relationship councilling again. About 6 weeks ago, my brother bought me a ticket to visit him in San Fransisco. He is a generous wonderful man. But Im in a dillema: When I was in America, my brother divulged to me the sexual abuse that he had when a youngster.

I was never in that position. But My brothers were messed around with when they were young. It feels like I might have lost my oldest brother, I just dont know what to say to him. They all despise Mum. She refuses to believe it ever happened but I know definately know that it did.

What do I do? I feel like I've got a group of men around me whenever I turn around and I dont know what to say..................

12 replies

1 - 10 of 12

1 2

In response to: not knowing.

Shaz51Senior Contributor24 Mar 2019, 1:56 pm AEDT

Re: not knowing.

hugs my special friend @PeppiPatty

In response to: not knowing.

TufftimesSenior Contributor24 Mar 2019, 10:57 pm AEDT

Re: not knowing.

Kind thoughts are with you. As far as what to say, maybe just be yourself, be honest and tell them you don't know what to say or do, but you are always there if they need to talk, maybe suggest counselling or a forum also? Just an idea, good luck with it all.

In response to: Re: not knowing.

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2019, 12:35 pm AEDT

Re: not knowing.

@PeppiPatty sending gentle thoughts your way.

In response to: not knowing.

outlanderSenior Contributor28 Mar 2019, 7:36 pm AEDT

Re: not knowing.

Hugs @PeppiPatty

that is really tough, im sorry things are abit weary with hubby at the moment but i hope the counselling helps.

As someone who has experienced sexual abuse myself, one of the things that i find helpful is having supports and knowing that someone is there if i need (even if its virtual). Letting your brother know that you support him might be helpful along with maybe giving him some information on who he can speak to such as Blue knot Foundation, 1800respect (both of those are for sexual abuse survivors) and other helplines such as mensline and his GP if he feels ok to do so.

Reassurance is another thing, letting him know that you believe him can be quite helpful insitelf.

Now that you know about what happened, even though its difficult, try not to treat him any different to before you knew. Having normal every day conversations will be welcomed quite abit. Most who discolse information dont do so for sympathy but rather empathy and understanding.

Lastly, if you ever need someone to talk to about any of this you of course have us, but also reach out to your supports also. It can be quite hard to heard what has happened to a loved one.

hope this helps

In response to: Re: not knowing.

outlanderSenior Contributor27 Apr 2019, 7:17 pm AEST

Re: not knowing.

hi @PeppiPatty
wondering how your going? we havent heard from you in a while, am missing you

In response to: Re: not knowing.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor29 Apr 2019, 1:41 pm AEST

Re: not knowing.

Hi @PeppiPatty

Lovely to see you. Sorry Mr Buddha's mood swings are difficult. Living with people with flat emotions can be draining as their is minimal warmth and affection. Hugs to you for sticking in there with him.

Re your brother

I can relate a bit because of my dad, but only after I became aware of the fact and after his death. As we are both mums of boys we can well imagine that sex abuse of young males can be very destructive and confuse them about gender and sexual issues. The culture surrounding sexuality in Australia has often been a bit rude and crude, but maybe the best approach is send a little warmth to your bro. We cannot undo the past.

I am hearing you are surrounded by men with emotional baggage. As we age, there are few people who have it all together, and the slings and arrows of life accumulate. It starts to be true that everybody really does have issues.

Hugs again Bella.

I had a sh=t weekend, so its really heartening to see you, even if things are tough.

In response to: Re: not knowing.

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 May 2019, 1:27 pm AEST