BPD poem

Beautiful, @BlueBay. Thank you for writing this and sharing it.

@BlueBay, thank you for sharing, poetry helps get the many words that tumble around and describe what it really feels like doesn't it?

Very nice poem, sadgirl, I've enjoyed reading it because it says a lot about you and yes it is from the heart.

You know, there is a great book out there that is very helpful titled SKill Training Manual For Treating Borderline Peronality Disorder. Marsha M. Linehan.

What is great about this book is that while the author does not say she has direct experience of BPD. There are some used books out there as well as new.

Hi @theaveragejoe

The book you mention is the book I am using while I am doing my DBT therapy. It does make sense, the book and what Marsha teaches; but it takes time to learn how to use the skills and when to use the skills. I do enjoy the skills book.

Thank you @theaveragejoe @Astrid1 @Sehnsucht for your comments. Greatly appreciated. I do enjoy writing poems even though at times they don't rhyme. But it is from my heart and how I feel and for me I can release some of my inner thoughts which helps.

Yes sadgirl, the author, Marsha, is the one that developed 'Dialectical Behavioural Therapy' in the 80s. This treatment, while specifically designed for people with Borderline Personality DIsorder, was later used for other forms of mental disorders.

She was one of the first to emphasise the important of psychological treatment. I read a fair bit, especially on mental disorders, and I have read that peple with BDP experience extreme swings in their emotions, similar to people with bipolar disorder.

I feel that this ability to experience extreme swings of emotions can be controlled, as I do, but it can also be great source of creativity, as you poem writing clearly shows.

I agree with the emotional swings, I think that, in my humble opinion, these are the central problems for many people with mental disorders, going from what I read on books.

Hi @theaveragejoe

Can you pls give me some of your tips that you use when trying to control your emotions. I find that at the time of 'my crisis' I struggle to control my emotions. It's like I have (my mind) has been taken right into the story of my crisis and gets 'sucked in' (does that make sense??)

And it's not until much later if not days that I can look back and be more rational. I think I still have a lot of pent up emotions that need to be let out. So much deep issues reg. trust, abandonment by my parents espeically my mum.

I'd be interested to hear how you cope. 🙂

Hi sadgirl,

I can only share how I deal with my runaway emotions which are very much linked to distorted thinking because most of the distortion in my mind comes from emotional problems of the past which are also related to mistrust of others.

First of all, as you indicated, there are a lot of emotions bottled up that seem to swallow us when they become intense, so that we have very little control in terms of how we respond and how we deal with others.

In my case, I think of a valve like the valve of a pressure cooker. It is extremely important to let emotions out when we are alone, to release the valve. What can I do? I put on music that makes me cry; I whatch movies that make me cry; I release emotions, at least once every two weeks. It is not always easy to cry but I try my hardest. I get into the song, the movie or whatever, and I let my emotions in. I read a lot of relevant materials, like poems and stories of people that touch me in some way. I try my best to release emotions. THis can be done with Art Therapy. One does not need to be an artist, although I am, but I think that even appreciating art is therapeutic.

This means that emotional attacks become milder when they come, because the valve of the mind has been released and there is no significant pressure.

As in distorted thinking, I never act on my emotions. I never react to any of my emotions, ever. I wait before I act on them. I ask people that are close to me. I have been able to do this in the past year. It is important for me not to react to emotions and not to believe my mind when it suggests things in an emotional state. This is difficult, it means that you must distance yourself from your mind, or at least learn to do this. It can be done as in mindfulness. Watch the emotions and problems but do not attach yourself to these. OF course excessive drugs or alcohol can prevent this from happening. I don't use drugs and I only drink very infrequently, once in a blue moon.

I do believe that there is a spiritual world, not attached to religions or dogmas, but a spiritual world that is energy or pure Light. I have had to learn to let this energy guide me and help me to watch over my unwell self. It can be done. The mind watching over the mind. That is the true essence of mindfulness exercise. For this, you may need to read a lot about 'Kabat Zinn' and read some of his books but there is a lot of material online.

What I do is that I plan to really have a good time even for 10 minutes every day. Right, I am going to have a showever now. How am I going to have a shower? I am going to have the best shower ever. I am going to focus on the lovely warm water fall down my skin as I gently rub myself with soap. No one must disturb me I have to be left in peace to do this. I can feel the water gently caress my face. This is a beautiful sensation. I close my eyes and I am in a rain forest and the water, clean and soft water, is falling down my face. And so on...

If I eat a piece of fruit, I eat it slowly. I try to forget all around me and focus on this beautiful piece of fruit. How juicy, how sweet.I eat it slowly and really enjoy eating it, forgettin everything for a few moments. The rumination and all the emotional turmoil is put on hold for a few minutes, not much to ask.

Doing this gives my brain a chance to recharge and recover from the intense rumination and emotional disturbances that are part of my life. These problems will never go away for me but I can give my mind a break and accept myself as I am. No one can see these inner conflicts from the outside, and while this is a problem, it can also be a bliss. No one can see how we feel. So I can become my own personal actor to help my own mind.

This is strange stuff that someone who does not have a mental disorder may find hard to understand. It is certainly not for people that do not have a mental disorder.

I will post more about Kabat Zinn and Eckart Tolle THE POWER OF NOW. WE MUST LIVE IN THE HERE AND NOW, AT LEAST A FEW MINUTES EVERYDAY

As you can probably tell by my wirinting, I am a migrant and English is my second language. So? forgive any grammatical or awkward writing.

So what you are doing @theaveragejoe is being mindful in what you are doing eg. eating a piece of fruit or having a shower. And 10 mins is probably long enough. I find that when I try to do mindfulness meditation I can only last 5 mins.

I have heard of Jon Kabatt Zinn and Eckhart Tolle before. Actually someone did give me a Eckhart Tolle book (must go and find it).

I can relate to what you say about the valve ready to explode. For me I let out my emotions when I see my GP, my psych or my therapist. It is the only time I can talk to someone about my emotions and cry. I can't do it with my husband. Part of me really wnats to just sit and cry with my husband but I just can't.

Doing something nice for yourself for 10 mins - that is a good idea. It's not a long time but just enough to change the way we feel about ourselves.

Yeah I agree with you that people can only understand this way if they have a mental illness. Others who don't won't understand what we mean or how to cope. It's hard to explain.

Thank you for explaining how you cope, it makes sense. 🙂

ps. No need to forgive you - your writing is fantastic. 🙂