Hi Lonelyma, your post resonated strongly with me as my son too started showing signs of "something just not quite right" at a very early age. He was diagnosed with severe ADHD (age 6), which shocked me as he didn't seem to fit the norm, let alone severe. He was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety by the time he was 7. The reason I took him to be assessed was due to, totally out of the blue, he suddenly just ran off after a playdate with my neighbours child. He just ran and ran. I had to follow him in a car as I had a 3 year old as well (could not have kept up anyway lol). This little guy ran at full sprint for an hour, until some kind person actually tackled him. Then as he was bringing him to my car he started screaming "dont make me go with her" over and over. I ended up, and rightly so, being questioned by what was now a group of people, as to whether I was a fit parent. The next day my son had no recollection of what he had done, massive alarm bells going off in my head. He ended up doing this a few times and I was told it was "flight or fight" scenario, the thing is there was never a trigger I could see. Because of his chatty, happy nature, no one believed me, and I mean no one. His father lived 4 hours away and wouldn't help. Both paternal, maternal sides of the family didn't believe me, nor did half of my friends, even the kindy he went to were shocked with the ADHD diagnosis. By the time he was 8, he started talking about "how hard it was to be him", and in an 8 year olds vocabulary was voicing suicidal thoughts. That was it, I made a few calls and we ended up at CYMHS, Child and Youth Mental Health Services. He had numerous attendances, most involuntary, to the psychiatric unit. Up until around 12, he engaged in help and for the most part talked, I felt like I had a short time span as I knew he would eventually he would refuse help. His behaviours only intensified over the years, self harming,, constant absconding from the home and school. Felt like it didn't matter how much help, and love I showed him it didnt slow down his own destructive path. Fast forward to today, he is 2 weeks shy of being 21, he has again had a few suicide attempts (1 that put him on a ventilator for 5 days), his "meltdowns" as I called them turned to being violent instead of running, he would destroy our property like laptops, punch holes in the wall, the TV, and sadly also me. He has, after numerous attendances at the adult psychiatric unit, been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. So mental health issues at a very young age are VERY real. As to getting your husband to understand, will he go to appointments with you? Will he read website info? It is so very hard, but I feel the male mind shuts down and doesn't want to believe it could exist at such a young age, yet it does, and the more he keeps his head in the sand, the less "correct" help your son will receive, as such a large part of it is learning how to parent a child that doesnt understand, and literally cannot understand the normal forms of discipline, and if anything can end up seeing it as not being loved, which further exacerbates the child's behaviour, a total loose loose scenario. A male role model is so important in their lives, and that is something my son still talks about to this day, why his dad wasnt there for him, why he didnt come to appointments with us etc. Maybe you could explain that by not hearing you, or believing the diagnosis, that in turn means he is not supporting you or your son, and in a way letting you both down. He needs to come to terms that it isn't a matter of how he got it, or a negative on him, but something real and tangible and that his little boy needs his help more than ever, and you as his wife need his support as someone you can talk to, as does his son. The hard truth of the matter is, we are mother lions and will protect our little ones with every ounce of our soul, and if we see something becoming a negative to the environment our child needs, then we will remove it. I didnt want to sound all doom and gloom, but the harsh reality is, your son HAS been diagnosed, not by you, but SKILLED professionals, so it is real, and you need all the love and support you can get so you have the strength to help your child. Maybe, by telling him what you need as a wife, as opposed to worrying about the diagnoses so much, could be a stepping stone, then try to get him involved in appointments so he can hear himself what people are saying, as he needs to learn new strategies to help both yourself and ultimately your son, a little person you both created out of love. Ultimately, he needs to try as hard as he can to realise mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, but it DOES need addressing, and DOES need love, support and understanding for all involved, the same as if someone got a diagnosis of MS or even a broken leg, ignoring any of them will only make them worse. I know I rambled on and on, but is hard to cover in 1 or 2 sentences. I wish you all the best and if you need to chat, or even vent, am happy to help, as I know it is a very daunting and scary road. Thinking of you.
