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Exo's Exposé

Exo's Exposé

Looking for somewhere to hide in the Forum, no offense to anyone, I'm just kinda used to my own space - it feels safer to me. I often feel like I'm 'butting in' on other threads, I want to say something but it isn't 'in-line' with the current flow of conversation.

It rained here yesterday, dogs & cats weren't falling from the sky, but the grounds wet, there's puddles in my driveway & it's soooooooo sooooooo much cooler 😄 Guru Google even promises more!! After this weird wet stuff stopped dropping from above, I took the dogs for their walk, I do this almost every afternoon, but after a storm with close lightning strikes, my main purpose is to check the fence is still upright everywhere. I'm happy to announce it was all in tip-top shape 🙂 I noticed new puddle spots all the way around, I was sad that some trees had to be pushed over for the fence line, but the dip of their absence looks quite beautiful with a drop of moisture shimmering within. When I had completed the usual circuit I by-passed returning into the house-yard & wandered through to the dam. I think I may have been a little rain-drunk, I was hoping to see water in it, there wasn't any. I even went & stood in the very center of it's base, I think I was expecting to sink in mud - I didn't; but the cracks are gone . . . & they were huge. So if the Guru comes through with it's promise, there may yet be a puddle for my Staffy to play in 😉

I've decided to leave my camping trip to the beach for another week, rain wouldn't stop me - it rarely rains 24 hrs a day, but storms have - they often have devastingly strong winds that can break off & pick up reasonably heavy objects, that become dangerous ammunition. I've been emailing with the owners of this place, I'll still be in the off-peak season if I leave it another week - though I worry being so close to the Easter holiday, there's a more likely chance of more people. I keep telling myself I've just got to 'get over' that, that that would be all part of the experience - but I know I'm lying to myself. I picked this spot mainly because of the dog-friendly off-lead beach, but also because on the satelite view of Google maps I could see that there's no towns around it. It's one of the most isolated camping parks I've seen {that's within 5 hours of home, well - maybe just a little more}. It also admits it has old amenities, I saw negitive feedback about the place for those reasons - I think if you want to go to a resort . . . that's where you go - not to a place that describes itself as a rustic, old fashioned bush camping park 😉

Missing you Mazy Loads of love & support @Mazarita

1141 replies

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In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet Hey sweety how are you going this morning? Hopefully you are tucked away in bed safe and sound with your pups. No news here just wanted to check up on you and see if you are going okish. Love peaxxx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Thinking of you and sending s @Exoplanet xx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hi @Exoplanet 💕

My situation has changed dramatically, and I am running to try to keep up with everything, so I haven't been tracking along with you so much (was away o/s for a while too) but I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and love seeing when you are posting.

Gentle hugs .....

In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello @Exoplanet

Lovely lady they look so serene and I do hope that you were able to draw some of that into your own self...

without sounding too deep..

I am extremely deep..

I have been away for some time and needed to be..

I am digging deeper and gaining at the same time feeling drained..

keep on being the individual who you are

love

Sophia

In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

hello @Exoplanet

Why am I not surprised that I love where you have chosen to go..

So calming and spiritual for me...not necessarily for everyone..

I have a special dell across the road from our house where there is a man made small bridge across a man made stone river that yes when we have enough rain fills with water..

however not far away along the track there are signs of our river through our town..

I am in bliss.

I am finally home..

Environment is everything to me..

Does not mean that I am on top of mind stuff...just on the right track..

I get everything about your trips away,,,your property with your fencing and your dogs...

makes total sense to me..

I have intermittently stepped in to let you know that I am always, always, here for you even when I do not respond.

My special friends on this forum are a part of my life.

You my dear person are one of them.

more photographs please...

if I can work out phone to computer I will get around to posting some back to you..

💜

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

hello @Exoplanet

Wanting to let you know that I still think of you even when not on the forums.

You have become an existential friend...Is that how you say it?

How are those puppies behaving?

They must be growing up and changing by now.

How old are they?

We have two cats..one has characteristics more like a dog...the other behaves definitely like a cat...except..extremely defiant...especially towards me!...she stares at me and also glares ...

she is on a mission...

except husband is going away for a week soon to attend an 80th for an unwell close friend...he is going with daughter and granddaughter...

I made the decision not to go as we have not long moved and to go away for a week is just too hard for our very spoilt (our fault) cats...cattery I do not think would accommodate their strong personalities...

plus I want to plant my roots more firmly...resonate with my tree and experiment with plants in different places...

I dont really know what I am doing although I do know quite a few plants...so figure with that and knowledge of a few friends whom some I have met through carers...something good has to eventuate...

how is your property coping with extreme weather conditions?

Do you have any specific areas where you have created special places?

Whatever you and your fur babies are up to I wish you well as always

love Sophia xx💜

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

There is beauty on this planet, beauty that the human race destroys without a thought. Because human needs are so much more important than a tree. I'm here, but I'm not, I think that's how I feel full stop. We are all the individuals that we are & we are all perceived as different individuals by each different individual. I can be no-one else, though I wish, I desire, I want to be anyone but me. There are many that still feel the bond to all things, but our species allows a very few to dominate, to tell us what to think, when; how to move, where; what is right & wrong - because they want them to, as then they are not to blame. Thank you for sharing your bliss. I am depressed, I'm aware of that. I want happiness, joy, good. My only daughter has denied me, I may not live long enough to get through this one. But it is just another & I have been going through them my entire life. I don't know if I'll get the energy to go away again & besides, it requires a phone call. I have rejected everyone in my life now, I am tired of being hurt & tired of hurting, I can't make the phone call. Thank you for always being there for me, but I want you to know it's ok to let go. I'm in a very low place, I don't want anyone else to experience it. No matter how bright they are, they can not shine here, I can not see them. I am honoured to be your special friend, but it's all the more reason I want to protect you from me. I know what's going to happen now, the anger, the hate, it's already begun. My special friend, please hear me, I do not want to hurt you.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Dear @Exoplanet

I can feel some of the darkness that is presently descending on you from your expression of how you are feeling.

Worn out, drained and lacking energy after dealing with far too much for far too long.

I do know that many families all over the world have members who for whatever reason are not able to support others.

Some of those reasons are selfishness; some are not being capable of understanding; others feel that they have their own issues and cannot deal with anything else;some totally unaware how much they are hurting another; some in denial.

I have suffered with major depression, or whatever the latest label is on and off for the greater part of my life. I have dissociated, degeneralised, d.......whatever.

That does not mean that I know exactly how you feel at this time. As you so aptly wrote about different individuals with differences, as well as different experiences.

I do know that looming, lurking feeling of darkness. I can now recognise it in the background when it is circling me.

I also know the strong urge to push everyone away.

I also know the self action of internalising those feelings, turning them inward, turning against myself. The why, the inevitable feeling of it has to be me. There is something wrong with me.

The battle without and within.

I know of isolating as have done on and off for decades. The feeling of being so indespicable therefore having to hide, curl up in a ball and go within myself.

I understand your feeling of being so tired of feeling hurt and dismissed by others.

I understand your loss of energy that has been used to fight the pain and darkness.

A private part of me:

Part of my long term pain is the feeling so often that others who have or still are important to me have been wanting to punish me. My anguish at this..my question why . Others project feelings that they don't want themselves into me. They know that I will take away some of their pain for them. That is what I do. They try to give me their pain as they cannot deal with their own pain. This has become a pattern within our relationship, within my family since being a little girl. This is an automatic process within them. They are not aware, in fact most likely are totally oblivious to how they are hurting me. They might feel guilty at a later time once away from the situation. They still however, cannot admit to me this as this would mean admitting to themselves that they have their own issues which they do not acknowledge. Therefore in their eyes it is once again me who is different, yet again being difficult, too hard to deal with.

The circle continues.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me know that your are honoured to be my special friend.

This is where we are similar,as in we both are more familiar with not being accepted for our differences.

Exoplanet you do not have to protect me even though I understand why you are wanting to express this. I do not need protecting from you as I trust you because you are a beautiful soul who has touched my heart.

I do not want to think of you having to deal with this darkness, on your own.

I am not going to try and give you advice though.

I am going to give you my love and open my arms to hold you. I will not let go. I have you.

For as tall as the trees are, as deep as the water is, as vast as the sky is, as spectacular are the clouds, as incredible as the animals are, you are still real.

Rest now in my arms,

The darkness does not own you, it will pass.

Stay close.

As you cuddle your fur babies, know that I am present with you.

You will never hurt me @Exoplanet it is not within you, it is not who you are my special friend

love Sophia ?

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Sending love @Exoplanet and here for you, holding space for you. Be gentle with yourself if you can. Life is so unfair sometimes and sometimes all we can do is breathe and pass time in ways that nurture ourselves. Hoping you have some pleasurable activities/hobbies that you can do at home when between trips away. You have your dogs I know, and the job of maintaining where you live, you always amaze me with your independence and strength. Take care my friend. xxoo

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

My dearest @Exoplanet

Oh How i wish that we were within a circle of people as I know that I would feel the vibes and resonate... I would feel safe talking with you...

I am so sorry that I have been absent and not here for you.

I have been struggling with my family member..embarrassing myself breaking down after his phone calls...who would think that words over a telephone call could reduce a person to crying..

well Icry now when my family member threatens things that I cannot imagine..

I know that you are dealing with something different

no matter what the issue is the impact on us can be insurmountable

I know what you have been through

my experience is so difficult yet so different

I have lost many for incomprehensible reasons

I have also several pending

You seriously have become to matter to me

I am finding myself logging on to to here to read you

yes you

speak to me

I know that you are very angry

yes you have every f888ing right to be

by the way I thought that I pressed the *

guess what yet again technology is my enemy

so.........................

as I waS ATTempting to say

for heavens sake

speak to me

love youxxx🧡

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