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Exo's Exposé

Exo's Exposé

Looking for somewhere to hide in the Forum, no offense to anyone, I'm just kinda used to my own space - it feels safer to me. I often feel like I'm 'butting in' on other threads, I want to say something but it isn't 'in-line' with the current flow of conversation.

It rained here yesterday, dogs & cats weren't falling from the sky, but the grounds wet, there's puddles in my driveway & it's soooooooo sooooooo much cooler 😄 Guru Google even promises more!! After this weird wet stuff stopped dropping from above, I took the dogs for their walk, I do this almost every afternoon, but after a storm with close lightning strikes, my main purpose is to check the fence is still upright everywhere. I'm happy to announce it was all in tip-top shape 🙂 I noticed new puddle spots all the way around, I was sad that some trees had to be pushed over for the fence line, but the dip of their absence looks quite beautiful with a drop of moisture shimmering within. When I had completed the usual circuit I by-passed returning into the house-yard & wandered through to the dam. I think I may have been a little rain-drunk, I was hoping to see water in it, there wasn't any. I even went & stood in the very center of it's base, I think I was expecting to sink in mud - I didn't; but the cracks are gone . . . & they were huge. So if the Guru comes through with it's promise, there may yet be a puddle for my Staffy to play in 😉

I've decided to leave my camping trip to the beach for another week, rain wouldn't stop me - it rarely rains 24 hrs a day, but storms have - they often have devastingly strong winds that can break off & pick up reasonably heavy objects, that become dangerous ammunition. I've been emailing with the owners of this place, I'll still be in the off-peak season if I leave it another week - though I worry being so close to the Easter holiday, there's a more likely chance of more people. I keep telling myself I've just got to 'get over' that, that that would be all part of the experience - but I know I'm lying to myself. I picked this spot mainly because of the dog-friendly off-lead beach, but also because on the satelite view of Google maps I could see that there's no towns around it. It's one of the most isolated camping parks I've seen {that's within 5 hours of home, well - maybe just a little more}. It also admits it has old amenities, I saw negitive feedback about the place for those reasons - I think if you want to go to a resort . . . that's where you go - not to a place that describes itself as a rustic, old fashioned bush camping park 😉

Missing you Mazy Loads of love & support @Mazarita

1141 replies

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In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello @Exoplanet

I have written a lengthier response to you on the other thread in reply to you there..

I quickly wanted to reply to your comment about that advertisement..

That particular advertisement has been one of my all time favourites and I have tried to relate that to others who do not remember it. I can see it as clear as day in my mind now.

It was such a simple action that said so much.

I think that dog might have been feeling confused...in shock no different to you...

In fact you probably might not remember much of all of this in months to come...that has been the case for me..

good that you finally have dates and they are certainly getting you into appointments..

a huge relief for you that they are listening to you and respecting your wishes..

they still need to explain other treatments as part of their medical code..

Will be thinking of you daily even when not on here ....

love Sophia💜

In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

.... just imagine the pea next to your bed a tall, middle aged woman with the shape of a pea and a big friendly smile giving you gentle, gentle hugs and wishing you well

You have given me such a comforting thought @Bunniekins I will imagine you & all my SANE friends, popping in to visit me in hospital 🙂 . . . & of course you'll all get together & plot my escape from my Sisters with me 😉

Love to all that need or want it

In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Appleblossom I am sorry for the crisis you are going through. I am not aware of the circumstances.

"Knowing" you has given me a greater sense of strength and meaning. - That works both ways - I'm happy to give strength & I'm grateful for the strength that is given.

Together we are stronger

Love to you Appleblossom

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

I'm off to the my lovely local lady GP today, I don't think I'll be seeing her again before surgery, or the 2 weeks aways at my Sisters, so I want to see if I can get a top-up of the medications I have & a new one that might relax my muscles a little. After that appointment I'll be heading into the big smoke, my other Sister S has a house in the city & the front of it is not occupied, so my Sister D & I can stay overnight. I have an appointment with a anaesthetist at 7.40am the next morning & then a group session physio after that! There's still an appointment with a Chemo Doctor that hasn't been made yet, but I'm gathering it might get added on to tomorrow's list? Then it'll be a week to D day. Maybe I should call it E Day, I wear Ecup bras. I really don't think I'm going to miss having to permanently carry this weight on my chest anymore - I just don't like the idea of how much discomfort may be involved in removing it. The craziest thing is, removing that weight may not neccessarily remove the cancer . . . but then taking poison for 6-12 months won't neccessarily remove it either. I've decided to have the surgery because otherwise, no if's, buts or maybes, this cancer will break through the skin & it is already noticablely uncomfortable; I've decided not to undergo chemo because I don't want to be sick & uncomfortable for that amount of time, in case I don't have that much time left.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Sending more love and support @Exoplanet Hope your appointments all fall into place.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet You have made some decisions that are right for you Hon and you are who is important here. I think I sit with many others here in hoping the surgery is successful and removes most (if not all) of the cancer. I totally understand you not wanting chemo - it is a long process with many side effects and takes away one's quality of life ...and cannot be guaranteed to extend life either. My Nan refused chemo - she wanted to spend what time she had left with family and not having to deal with the side effects that no-one could guarantee for improve either her qualit of life nor longevity. Unfortunately we only had her for a few months after her diagnosis but they were months we could spend together and had nothing left unsaid - and that was important for all of us. So while I cannot walk in your shoes I do understand where you are coming from and how important it is that quality of life wins over longevity. Everything crossed however that the surgery improves both for you.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

So it happens next Thursday, my anxieties are going to climb. I have to try & clear up my sores before then?! I'm pretty well covered in them, just little ones, they go hand in hand with my Psoriasis. I have to try & cut down smoking, I'll start trying today. A couple of times now a scab has formed on my nipple, I know that means the cancer is close to the skin. There is a large part of me that sees this as the beginning of the end, a part of palliative care. I'm certainly hoping I get at least a couple more years from it. The appointments yesterday were a little more real concerning the discomfort & . . well . . . the anxiety is going to climb. Ending isn't my greatest fear, I've got everything for that sorted - it's helplessness. Losing independence & living with discomfort I think are my greatest fears. I've been pretty lucky really with how my body has functioned throughout my life, over 50 years of 2 feet & a heartbeat 🙂 I've got scaly skin & a family history of cancer - but not one child has been affected, it seems my family genetics allows us to fully mature . . . not such a bad thing.

I think of the amount of people I saw at the appointments I've gone to & it gives me mixed feelings. It's sad & frightening to think of how many women are being diagnosed with breast cancer. The waiting room there was quite large, many rows of seats; & those seats were filled & remained filled, as women left more came in, the whole time. The Doctor is a specialist breast surgeon, that is the only area he works in, all day everyday - & he's run off his feet! That's in just one city. The 'Day Surgery' was also a large waiting room with many rows of seats, not so many people, but it was 7.40am. There were both men & woman waiting for surgery or appointments there. The realization that that happens all day every day is sad & frightening. But I also get a sense of confidence from it all. I've been told the Doctor doing my surgery is very skilled & going by his waiting room I'd say very experienced. In fact any medical person in a public hospital, I'd imagine would get very experienced very quickly. So I'm guessing they have a good idea what they're doing. Though the Physio Therapist did tell me she'd never had someone come in, that was having a bilateral mastectomy, with both axillary nodes being involved. She was saying that when you get your blood pressure ect. taken you should use your 'other' arm, I asked 'what if it's both arms"? She had to admit she didn't know, she said to ask the breast nurse & I was impressed that she did pop in at the end of that nurses appointment, & check that it did get asked {plus she admitted she just wanted to know, for future patients that might present with a similar case}. It turns out that you can have your blood pressure taken on your thigh, & with other things like blood samples & injections for eg. I'm to use the less affected arm. There's a spot of information that'll lighten-up a conversation with a total stranger 🙂

Well I'm glad to have somewhere to dump my light conversational thoughts 😉 Truth is I'm going to try my hardest to just not think about it - it's going to happen otherwise I'll have discomfort on my chest permanently, that will slowly worsen & become very unpleasant. I have to go back to my blur for 1 week . The last nurse I saw asked to put me on the waiting list for cancellations & mentioned maybe Tuesday instead of Thursday, I thanked her but explained I had to take my dogs into kennels & my Sister & Daughter work, they can't really change the 'time off' they'd arranged for.

Let the blur begin to spin

Let involuntary process begin

A natural electro-chemical shield

A neural connection strength revealed

The physicality of decision

The place in the Universes position

What will be, will be

Let the blur fly free

Love to all that need or want it

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Dear @Exoplanet you write so beautifully. All I can do is send you love

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello @Exoplanet

I have been taking some time over thinking how to reply to your latest post...

There is more organisation within the disorganisation now within your circumstances..

You have bravely put so much into action and yes the blur would be spinning as you stop to catch your breath...

I particularly like the last part of your writing

The place in the Universes position

What will be, will be

Let the blur fly free

Love to all that need or want it

Life is about what will be will be sometimes...at other times about what we decide..

letting the blur fly free...releasing the pent up muddle of emotions...

allowing you to breathe ....

even if getting through means 15 minutes at a time ...less or more...it is still about letting...

On top of everything you still send love to all that need or want it..

Yes please...sending love to you ...

💜💚💙

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