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Hey there @Bluemoons thank you so much for posting and sharing your story with us. Feelings of depression and anxiety definitely can have this affect on us where we do withdraw and do feel this very visceral feeling which can be all encompassing. In terms of the thoughts of suicide/dying, do you need any support around this right now? SCBS have webchat here as well as a phoneline on 1300 659 467.

We also have a helpline here at SANE, you're more than welcome to give one of our counsellors a call for a talk on 1800 187 263.

Do you have any support like a counsellor? Or attend any support groups?

Hi nashy.

Thanks for your reply. I don’t think I need any critical support right now, but thank you for giving the information needed if I do. I have access to a councellor I have seen a while back, maybe it would be a good thing to call them again. In terms of support groups I am not part of any but would be open to giving them a try if that helps. Thanks again.

Hi and welcome @Bluemoons

Depression is the pits-literally. It pulls you so far down, feeds you a tonne of negativity and lies, and makes you feel utterly hopeless and helpless.

Reaching back out to your counsellor sounds like a really good idea. It seems you have very little in the way of support. Support is important.

Trauma is still trauma, and can affect as adults in many ways. Sometimes we behave unconsciously not realising it's because of the trauma.

It sounds like you are isolating a lot, which can feed into that negative cycle of worthlessness and despair. Could you do one thing each day to make you start to feel OK a little? It can be really simple like take a shower, brush your teeth, or you could make it a little harder like go out for a coffee.

And perhaps at night you could write down what your worries are about the next day, then put them in a 'worry box'. These worries aren't to be thought of again that night, and you empty the box the next day.

These are some things that have helped me or my forum friends online here. Just take each day a little bit at a time, slowly and gently. You'll find lots of support here online.

Hi @Bluemoons

You are not alone now and never will be. Thank you for reaching out and validating what many people feel...,including myself. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. Please believe it because I have been going through this for the best part of the last 30 years.

in the beginning I was frightened as hell! You have no idea why or what is making you feel like this.

Have you been told or heard about the fight or flight syndrome?

its an inherent trait that we have carried from the primitive man era. Even though we know longer have to fight or run away, the triggers are still the same.

Please don’t give up on your self.

You have reached out and that is truly commended by me and all of the beautiful people here.

You have a very safe place where you can talk freely about how you are feeling without any judgement.I know how you are feeling.... I live it every day

take care 💐

@Bluemoons

Depression and anxiety suck. It's such a draining disorder to have.

I wonder if you have considered going on anti depressant, some also help with anxiety as well. And seeing a psychologist would also be a great help.

My depression is slowly disappearing due to my medications and therapy. It's helped me. It just might help you.