Life after treatment for bipolar disorder

Hello. I hope this is okay to write here. I just have no one else to turn to, and am really struggling at the moment, trying to deal with emotions surrounding my husband who has bipolar. We have been together for 13 years and he has just started treatment in the last month. We have known for a few years what his diagnosis was but it was a long road to get to the point of him seeing a psychiatrist and starting medication.

I guess I just don’t know what to feel any more. In the time before treatment, I guess I felt entitled to be angry at him “he’s the one that won’t get help”. I always felt able to leave if it got too bad (I never did but having that back up plan allowed me to feel just a tiny bit in control). But now, I have to be the eternally patient and supportive partner. If I’m not I feel so guilty. Even though his moods were unpredictable before, I was so used to gauging them and reacting accordingly. Now I don’t know how to read him any more. It scares me, the unknown. I am just so weary. We have 3 small children and it feels as though I spend every waking minute propping them all up, but no one ever does the same for me.

I wish I had someone to talk to. Just to ask if I’m okay and maybe the burden wouldn’t feel so heavy. But he pleaded with me not to tell anyone so of course I wouldn’t. I just feel so alone.