Hi blackguppy 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story below. I am the same age as you, 28, and I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with dissociation. I have no doubt there are others in this forum that can provide more advice than what I can but what I can say and overall I hope that it will help in some small manner is that I can relate to what you have said. I am the black sheep of my family (both sides) and unfortunately was exposed to severe domestic violence and in turn engaged in unhealthy relationships, with one most recently ending.
I have no family and little friendship support, and you are right, many tend to have no idea where to look but one thing in terms of the small amount of friends that I have was to send them podcasts that I had found on BPD to give them a greater understanding and articles also. With my closest girlfriend, she has told me this has helped her the most. I personally struggle with the stigma associated with mental health conditions/disorders as at the end of the day we are still us and nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. The perceptions others may hold is not a reflection of who you are as a person or as a mother. It is a reflection on them and their own characteristics.
I have been thankful to find a great psychologist who specialises in DBT, and psychiatrist and have been able to get a mental health waiver applied to my health insurance to commence engaging in a DBT program at a private hospital this year. Would this be something you would be able to do? Or are you able to find a counsellor/psychologist that also specialises in DBT? There is also a DBT workbook you can possibly download for free if not certainly purchase that you may be able to work through to assist in the time being?
I understand the recovery in a timely manner, I feel the same especially with what I do for work. I am yet to have my own family but I have two fur babies who I love more than life. These two keep me going each day. These are some things I have since found helpful:
- Each morning give my babies a kiss and a cuddle.
- Have a hot shower in the morning and night.
- When I feel low, anger, rage, or self harm I press the pressure point between my thumb and pointy finger and slowly release and then do this whilst breathing. If I can, I will put some music I like on until I calm down.
- When I get home from work, I immediately take my dog for a walk (hail, rain or shine).
- Most nights before bed I spray a 'pillow spray' and write in a gratitude journal three things I am grateful for on that day. Some days I haven't had the capacity to do it but I try most nights. It seems silly but sometimes I will write today I am grateful to have woken up or to sit on the couch with my babies. I find this helps because it shows that there is positivity there even when sometimes you really do not feel that there is.
- I found some YouTube channels that do yoga, and fitness workouts. I do these also as do not have the finances to purchase a gym membership.
- Again, seems silly but I picture a suitcase and I fill that suitcase with all the things that are making me feel unstable or making me feel angry. Once I can see that it is full with whatever I needed to be in it at that time I then throw the suitcase out in to the ocean and watch it drift away. It can go wherever you would like.
- I also have a quote on my bathroom mirror which I read each morning.
I know these may not necessarily work for you but I do hope in the meantime that they can provide you with some small strategies or techniques which could be of benefit until you can get in to a DBT program.
As hard as it is, do not beat yourself up, you are doing a wonderful. Remember you are a fabulous mother and have a little girl who adores and loves you and as long as she knows this and I am sure she does, she will conquer anything she wants because she has your support and love.
Do not feel alone or misunderstood. Many here in the forum are here to help and support.
Sending you strength and positivity girl! 🙂
