Is not wanting to live the same as being suicidal?

@Serenity1 I have gone through long periods like you describe, where I was not suicidal. Going to church helped in some ways. Just sitting and watching or singing or praying, or learning about different approaches. I liked the church as a different place from the school or the shops or the park, the usual haunts of parents. The tears for me were part of the terrible realisation how alone I really was (a kind of grief) in facing my parenting tasks. Eventually the tears stopped ... til the next time, but they are rarely a problem now. I no longer go to church, Community Centres and meditation centres also helped. Find what works for you. Where you can find some moments of inner calm.

@Serenity1 thats a difficult question for me i dont consider those things to be the same one is activley going about doing things the other is being fed up and overwhelmed. i guess for me the difference is one still has hope left inside the person while the other not so much. to me it sounds like you are exhausted and have hit the end of you tolerance level like maxing out a credit card only with your emotions and physical energy. once you reach the credit card limit there is no more money (energy to fight) which means you have to find another source. this is where it can become a problem you might have to find a bank who is willing to lend you the money (GP, friend or other source of support) which can take time and even more effort. once you find that then you have to have the money approved (waiting for support to come through) and then once you finally get the money (support) you can start to pay your bills again. (start coping again) but then there is always the first credit card that you have to pay back which will mean a long time paying off your debts and gradually making it smaller (recovery) and from time to time emergencies will happen and you wont get to pay off the original credit card (relapse) but thats when you find another source of money.

to me and forgive me as i dont mean to simplify or minimise your troubles but to me it seems like you need to find some other supports who can help get your energy back someone to help with your daughter and to help with general household things so that you can start to get your energy back and build back up to your version of normal. now where to get that from i am not sure but sometimes getting it is the hardest part once it is set up things are a bit eaiser. have you tired a womens health centre? they can have gp's and other supports who are often more understanding of womens struggles.

also sorry this is long and it may not make any sense it does in my head but i never know if i explained things right as i have trobuble putting things into words that make sense to other people. if it doesnt just ignore it and dont worry about it. i hope you can find something to help soon.