numb brain

Hi,

I've started taking my medication during the day and I'm now feeling really numbed out. Like my brain has gone totally numb. I wanted real sleep, proper undrugged sleep so doctors have said that to take my medication during the day is ok. I'm on small amount of medicine.

I'm unable to think or create. I'm published writer and recording musician. Its alot of hard work and long days alone but it's just what I've dedicated my life to doing.

I'm feling very ashamed of my diagnosis, schizophrenia, and even though the doctor says it is a spectrum disorder and that I am right at the beginning edge of the start of the spectrum I stll feel like I am defective.

I spent alot of growing up years hiding alot of myself from others, especially my feelings. I read alot of books and still read a lot of books.

I've continued this throughout my adult years and now it seems like I have so much more to hide that it's impossible for me to have any menaingful contact with anyone outside of clinicians.

I recently was given my doctors report to read and it made me feel like I am a criminal.

I have not ever spoken too much about my real feelings about things as I think that I will be punished for them, my family were not good with emotions and feelings, as supportive as they are.