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Struggling to put my needs above those around me

May23Senior Contributor20 Feb 2019, 12:56 am AEDT

Struggling to put my needs above those around me

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. This became worse after a sexual assault resulted in an unwanted pregnancy that I aborted leading to PTSD. This was 10 years ago but still affects me on and off to this day. I felt like I was coping relatively well until I had a workplace injury last June that I am still recovering from. Recently I re-aggravated the injury and have been off work since. I feel useless, worthless and like a burden on those around me. After a failed suicide attempt I decided it was time to get help. Part of that is opening up to those closest to me. Doing so has made my anxiety and depression worse as now on top of everything else I'm now feeling guilty for upsetting them and stressing about how they will now treat me and cope with what I'm going through.

Any advice on how to put myself first and let my family and friends know when to give me space?

3 replies

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In response to: Struggling to put my needs above those around me

NiteKatSenior Contributor20 Feb 2019, 1:39 am AEDT

Re: Struggling to put my needs above those around me

Hi May23

Im NiteKat, one of the overnight moderators.

Thanks for connecting tonight. i can sense the pain you are experiencing through your words and hopefully the members can give you support and solace at this stressful time in life. There are some great people here who have the experience and empathy for discussing your situation with sensitivity. It a bit quiet at the moment but please check in regularly.

Thanks again

In response to: Struggling to put my needs above those around me

BryanaCampSenior Contributor20 Feb 2019, 12:47 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling to put my needs above those around me

hi @May23

I have CPTSD rather than PTSD but I understand the mental torment and paralysis.

It is hard for me not to put other's needs first as that is my personality but self-care is very important.

Do you have any self-care strategies to use?

In my experience, opening up to close friends and family is a disaster, they are so eager to help & find solutions but have no idea what to do and even less idea how to just listen & validate my feelings. So it helps to just keep expectations lower.

Are you linked in with any mental health professionals? It sounds like you could do with the support.

Welcome to the forums, I look forward to hearing more form you.

In response to: Re: Struggling to put my needs above those around me

May23Senior Contributor20 Feb 2019, 2:36 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling to put my needs above those around me

Hi @BryanaCamp

For as long as I can remember even as a child I did and said things to make others happy even if it wasn't what I wanted. Having all the focus and attention on me makes the anxiety worse so telling my family has been extremely difficult. I know all they want to do is "fix" me but it's not that simple. These feelings have been with me for a very long time and while the severity can differ greatly they are always there. They feel guilty they didn't notice I'd reached crisis mode. The only reason I chose to tell my family is that my older sister is a dietitian with experience with mental health patients meaning she understands that she can't fix me but can be there in whatever way I choose to lean on her so she can support me if repairing myself. I'm now counting on her to look after the rest of the family so I can finally focus on ME. I do need to find a way to let my family and friends especially my mum know when I need space without withdrawing completely.

I start therapy sessions on Monday and have a great gp, physio and hand specialist who are all on my side to help with my mental health as well as my physical recovery.

In terms of self-care I really am lacking in that department at the moment. However, in the last couple of weeks I have started doing guides meditation to help with my insomnia. Do you have any other suggestions?

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