I’m tired.

I’m over it. I no longer care if I feed this pathetic meat bag of a body and it dies. I no longer care for any sort of pain or pleasure. I no longer care for anyone because they die anyway. I either die now or later, and choosing to die later just means to experience useless sensations which come and go.

My wife and my 2 kids were taken from me in a car accident. My whole world gone. All the struggling I endured for my family just to have them gone. We almost finished building our own house together, and we wanted to have another child when we were done. What was the point? Why did I even bother? I was a fool, for ever believing and trusting that life can be great. It can’t. It is temporary, unpredictable, and unknowable. This is my fault. I usually don’t celebrate birthdays, and my wife begged me to celebrate it because the kids wanted to do something for me. They died trying to get things for my birthday. My life is completely ruined. If I see cars, I see my family, if it’s someones birthday I see my family, if I see couples I see my family, if I see children I see my family. I cannot stop seeing my family.

I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired.