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Worried about a carer

KMCNew Contributor17 Feb 2019, 4:21 pm AEDT

Worried about a carer

Hi, first time poster, hope this is alright. I am posting for some advice regarding a carer. A male friend of mine is in a relatively new relationship with a female diagnosed with BPD. I have very little experience with BPD, so don’t want to cause any offence. I am querying normal behaviours and what others are also living with. My friend is consistently verbally and sometimes physically abused, accused of cheating, is not allowed to go to the store, is being isolated from friends, when allowed out he finds he scans the aisles to make sure there are no females in the aisles so as to avoid confrontation, and is also not allowed to watch tv due to jealousy. Despite what I believe to be abuse, he claims he loves this person and continues to take her back. Is this normal behaviour towards a carer? The behaviour appears to be worsening and I would like to provide support and assistance to help him leave the relationship, without his partners behaviour worsening or her carry on with threats to self. Any strategies or advice would be most helpful.

5 replies

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In response to: Worried about a carer

CornySenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 5:21 pm AEDT

Re: Worried about a carer

If a male was doing that to a female,

or an adult was doing that to an innocent child,

would you believe that was abuse?

In response to: Worried about a carer

Dani_MurrayContributor18 Feb 2019, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Worried about a carer

The behaviours you have described go beyond the common-garden BPD symptoms. The carer is highly controlling and irrational. She is paranoid and suspicious which are psychotic symptoms. This situation is extreme and calls for an intervention by mental health professionals. You refer to having been "sometimes physically abused" - can he ring the police? Also get a restraining order? If there is any way to escape out of this domestic situation, your friend needs to leave quickly or he could be attacked and badly hurt or killed. Your friend needs to leave, get out, go home to Mum, just get physically out and away from this woman "carer".

In response to: Re: Worried about a carer

Unknown userMember21 Feb 2019, 8:27 pm AEDT

Re: Worried about a carer

Hi @KMC

The BPD foundation has some information that might be of help to your friend (and to you).

https://bpdfoundation.org.au/carers.php

In response to: Re: Worried about a carer

AppleblossomSenior Contributor21 Feb 2019, 8:58 pm AEDT

Re: Worried about a carer

There is help available for people with BPD but they have to want to work at it.

When my brother was diagnosed they had no protocols. He had real reasons for his fear of abandonment. I think you are right to be concerned.

Spectrum is supposedly the best clinic and in Victoria.

In response to: Worried about a carer

FaithfullyfedupNew Contributor23 Nov 2019, 10:53 am AEDT

Re: Worried about a carer

This is exactly what my husband did, he has now been diagnosed with delusional jealousy disorder aka morbid jealousy or othello syndrome. There isnt a whole lot of info regarding this disorder which is s shame but speaking from experience this will escalate and it wont go away with out anti psychotics. Mental health needs to be involved. Your friend is actually doing more harm than good by bowing down to her insecurities. By doing things like changing his behavior for her he is giving her reason to believe there is cause for concern. This disorder gets serious very quickly my husband ended up secretly recording me in the car, on the lounge in bed, he tracked my car and phone put spy ware on my phone and laptop, daily abusive accusations he began hearing thing on recordings that weren't there and seeing things on video that were there. He stopped working, he ran up credit cards opened secret bank accounts, stole from me and the kids and I later found out he was on meth which helped contribute greatly to getting his psycosis. It's a horrible disorder and will eat your friend from the inside out. It takes away all of your freedom, privacy, dignity and time. And no amount of reasoning or commonsense will alter their perception of you. None. Not a bit. Dont even bother trying. They need meds. My husband is now under the mental health act and gets a depot shot every 2 weeks as well as net therapy and cbt. And it's still a battle trying to live with him.

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