Thanks again @TAB, all I want is for someone to be understanding.
Thanks @Former-Member, I feel like I've spent too much of my life alone amusing myself waiting for some company to share life with, but my energy for that has ran out, and anyone I do have for company is not understanding and makes things worse.
I do have some hope, because I have had lots of counselling too, although most of it I found more harmful, I did have one good psychologist who helped me a lot with depression. And I understand my problems more now myself.
Also I met someone once, someone who I could never have imagined could have existed, while she was my friend, everything was ok, all of my problems just didn't matter anymore, it was divine, but no one understood, at least she taught me that I still exist, otherwise I'd have given up by now.
It is hard talking to my parents, I want to and I try to, but it just hurts and makes me feel more alone that they don't understand.
I am studying, but I don't know if I'll finish now, have been under so much stress lately my energy to try to do positive things has gone.