what to do when it feels like you have done everything

HI @harry-aus, it sounds like you're very low and feeling quite stuck at present. You've been dealing with depression for two years now and I'm guessing that you've learned a lot along the way. About both yourself and the condition.

Can you think of the smallest possible step you can take that will help you move you out of this place? Sometimes recovery seems overwhelming: appointments, new medications, possibly even admissions. When you have no energy or motivation it's all too hard.

But recovery is actually a string of small decisions and steps that, when strung together, help you feel better. It can be a phone call to Lifeline to help organise your thoughts, the decision to get up for an hour, writing some of your thoughts and feelings down. Small things that can gradually move you to a better place.

So harry, can you think of one small step you can do tonight?

Hi @HelloAgain I'm not sure where you are in Aus but my first psych admission was by a gp into hospital... And then a psychiatrist did take over through the country telemed conferencing thing. Even though Harry's situation sounds a bit different there are all sorts of levels of care or no care offered...
@harryaus I hope you can find a way forward, keep trying, small steps etc. something will work just gotta keep trying...
Lj

Hi Harry,

Your description of your situation is reminding me a lot of a friend on mine, and I can't help but wonder if you've possibly been misdiagnosed.

My friend was originally diagnosed with major depressive disorder, then as her symptoms worsened towards the end of her pregnancy she was diagnosed with post natal depressiion. She also has treatment resistance, and she has tried every medication and treatment under the sun (apart from ECT) and has been incredibly unwell for many years now. Finally had been diagnosed correctly with Complex PTSD.

Just from what I've read about C-PTSD, it seems like her issues with treatments making her feel worse (as well as the specific physical symptoms /immune issues she has that are apparently common and specific to PTSD from memory) all falls into place with a PTSD diagnosis.

I wonder if something like PTSD may be an issue for you, and if it's possible you've had a misdiagnosis?...

You need a case manager to make home visits on a regular basis. You may need new medication as the ones you are on now are not working.
You can make arrangements via phone or your parents can do it for you. There is also mental health help lines in the phone book. Just pick up your phone and do it if you can use your PC to type you can stay in bed and talk to a mental health worker via phone.

You seriously need to have a case manager.
Love
Bella

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't found anything that helps you yet, and that you in fact feel worse off now. That's tough, when you do all the right things and dedicate yourself to seeking help and recovering, but your mind just won't respond. Let me just say though that it's great that you still want to get better, by posting here and reaching out, you're doing your best to not give up despite feeling hopeless, and that's a great first step.

It seems like even the smallest things are overwhelming for you right now, which means you have to start REALLY small before you progress back up to regular face-to-face appointments with your psych and doctor again.

Eating three nutritious meals a day, going out in your backyard for ten minutes, walking to the end of your street and back in the fresh air, listening to uplifting music, staying hydrated, focusing on getting your personal hygiene top notch, getting dressed for the day... these little challenges (which feel like mountains during a major depressive episode) are all things you can try to incorporate into your days, as slowly as you need. As long as you're doing SOMETHING to improve, there tends to be a bit of a flow-on effect and you start being able to do even more in terms of helping yourself.

Also you really should try to speak to somebody about everything that's going on for you. I understand that major depression isn't compatible with maintaining friendships, but if there's any particularly understanding person that you could reach out to, please do. Or even your parents. Or a phone-counselling service or an online chat counselling service. Something more "real time" than posting on these forums might just help you sort through your thoughts and figure out a plan of action for getting back on your feet so you can start living your life again.

You're fighting through this, you just have to keep going, and let yourself be content with the smallest of improvements, because there WILL be a snowball effect.

Wishing you all the best.

Hi Harry-Aus,

I feel you! It took me ages to realise that changing my doctor all the time because I though they were doing me no good was wrong, the issue was that I wasn't helping myself. To be honest for a little while there I didn't really want too.
I finally took a step back and realise the effects my mood and bad decisions had on everyone around me and my job would be the next to go! I pushed through a few doctors appointments with the same doctor to get some regularity. Found one I actually liked!
He convinced me to get myself to see a phycologist "yet again" I made a point of calling a day or two in advance to make my appointment not giving me a lot of time to cancel or second guess myself. This helped a lot!
It's a slow and steady process to finding people you like to help you and you will find that you do want to help yourself!
Hope you can find some motivation to start taking baby steps to get yourself on the right track!
Slow and steady wins the race, right?