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A new start (kind of)

A new start (kind of)

Hi @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander @TAB @Sam3 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @oceangirl @Sans911 @Snowie @Former-Member @soul @BryanaCamp @Former-Member @Bunniekins and whoever else is there in forumland

I have tagged some of you because we are speaking lots and some others haven't been around for long. If it's too much for you then that's okay I respect that. I won't take it personally.

I have decied to start up a new thread after my psychiatrist appointment today. Off to a new start.

Simply put, he made the point that I am pressuring myself to do stuff far more quickly than what I thought I could. When this approach fails, it feeds back into the loop that was there before (the "i am not good enough", "I have limited time", "I have wasted my life" etc).

He said it was good I didn't go to hospital and avoided ending up there. This doesn't help. What does help is changing the approach etc.

It was a good appointment. I see him again in the morning and then maybe someone else next week.

So it's not entirely hopeless or lost now.

He thought that pressuring myself to go and get this visa would be the wrong decision, given my state of panic yesterday and also this morning.

He said that I need to hold off on pressuring myself. By saying "okay now that I am in Australia for a bit longer, I need to go and find a job quickly" because this is simply unhelpful. It's the wrong attitude and will only feed back into those loops.

So am I feeling more settled? Yes. Do I know what is next? No. Does this bother me? No.

I see my psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I will get something from my psychiatrist in the morning about all of this I think, which he said he can send off as part of the extension on the visa (which lasts for 2 years anyway). It's just a case of extending the timeframe for when I can receive it.

This would effect my chances of working in defence, mi6 etc but these are already off the table for me given my history anyway. The same is the case for the military and police. It does seem like some things are cancelled out because of my MH, but maybe they are things I was never keen on anyways.

That's a side issue for now.

Going to the UK - still a goal. It's a case of how I get there and WHAT I do when I get there. We have established that rocking up with no job or place to live is too chaotic. Especially based on my experience and degree background and skills. But the UK is a goal. My Psychiatrist said "Poland is always there" so I think it might be worthwhile sending them an email asking if I could be either placed on next year's list OR alternatively get some of my money back given the circumstances. Again, not my concern for now.

My concern at the moment is explaining all this to dad. My Psych spoke to my mum today too so she is in the loop. I think he will understand, he wants what is best for me. It takes some adjustment and time. But this is life and how we live it.

THanks forumites. See you a bit later today

Edit: I heard today that one of my old tutees that i helped in 2017 is working and is at uni. Doing well and studying. I joked that we should meet up for coffee and then i can get a job at the same place lol. So today has had a silver lining. This was the student who nearly quit school. But I can only take as much credit for what they achieved. Most of it was them

7645 replies

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In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Good morning @MDT Hope you wake up knowing you did the right thing to protect yourself from being hurt further down the line or caught up in their dramas. If she's lonely it's because she is in some way allowing him to have control over her - sounds like social abuse to me, but only she can choose not to live that way. Try to stay strong in your resolve my friend. If she makes changes in her life she knows how to find you.

In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hi @MDT

I'm scratching my head trying to work out what SO stands for but I don't really need to know - I guess that your friend is in a controlled situation and this isn't good and if someone is checking her phone then she is feeling unsafe and it might not have anything to do with a battle or a war - just her keeping her head above water

But what about you? You feel things will change if she continues to block you and I agree it would be hard to keep things running as they are if you are blocked and she has someone controlling her - what can you do?

You may have one this battle but the war isn't over - if you can maintain your distance and your calm maybe you can win a war of attrition - just don't let it wear you down - faithfulness and trust are involved

Of course - it all comes back to who SO is in her life - so I don't know but you do

It must be horrible being the second whatever in this situation - okay - it comes back to how much you really care about her - and can you just hold on until she gets the better she needs - that might be you

My suggestion - play it cool and wait and see

Dec

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Yeah @Owlunar
SO - Significant Other

I'm not interested in her anything more than friendship. We both know that.

It's hard for her I get. But then she is doing it out of loneliness apparently.

People are weird creatures aren't they Dec?

Hope your Sunday is going okay

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hi again @MDT

I am better than I was yesterday - I am not sure about yesterday but it seemed my get up and go had got up and gone - I guess we all feel like that at times

Significant other - yes - I get that - and this person seems to be watching your friend excessively - and I know one thing NO ONE in the world has the right to look at my phone - or my computer either - SOs have a varied reputation - I don't have someone in my life that would be that interested in what I do -

So I guess it depends a lot on what your friend considers this SO to be in her life - and it is important to you to maintain what is a friendship. Some people can allow an SO to have friends - indeed I did have a friend I didn't live with - we went out together a lot - he had a lot of friends and a lot of them were women - and we lived very separate lives a lot of the time - but not everyone is easy about an SO having different kinds of friends -

So - as I said before - try and keep your cool and just be there for your friend and be a true friend - accept her situation as hard as this is - it seems important for you to have this person in your life - and maybe in the future she will need a friend like you - if this SO doesn't work out for her

Waiting and Seeing can work for you - try that - it can't do any harm, - and if you are blocked long enough you will know more

And people are weird - there is no doubt about that

Dec

I'm interested in hearing more about your story

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Thanks @Owlunar
I agree with you here 🙂

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

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Hi forumites

I am feeling woeful today. It is what it is I guess.

Work is the last thing I care about at the moment and I hate myself a bit more for it.

Not good at all.

But then baby steps I guess.

The minimalist approach maybe?

Anyway. Take car of yourselves today

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

@MDT hey Hamsolo, hope you feel better soon. Be gentle to yourself and others. You are a winner.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Thanks @Meowmy
🙂

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Pretty sure most people feel that way about work at this time of year @MDT , so you are def not alone there.

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Hang in there @MDT I'm guessing there are only a few more work days before you get a break. Yes baby steps and self-care stuff will get you there xx

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