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A new start (kind of)

A new start (kind of)

Hi @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @outlander @TAB @Sam3 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @oceangirl @Sans911 @Snowie @Former-Member @soul @BryanaCamp @Former-Member @Bunniekins and whoever else is there in forumland

I have tagged some of you because we are speaking lots and some others haven't been around for long. If it's too much for you then that's okay I respect that. I won't take it personally.

I have decied to start up a new thread after my psychiatrist appointment today. Off to a new start.

Simply put, he made the point that I am pressuring myself to do stuff far more quickly than what I thought I could. When this approach fails, it feeds back into the loop that was there before (the "i am not good enough", "I have limited time", "I have wasted my life" etc).

He said it was good I didn't go to hospital and avoided ending up there. This doesn't help. What does help is changing the approach etc.

It was a good appointment. I see him again in the morning and then maybe someone else next week.

So it's not entirely hopeless or lost now.

He thought that pressuring myself to go and get this visa would be the wrong decision, given my state of panic yesterday and also this morning.

He said that I need to hold off on pressuring myself. By saying "okay now that I am in Australia for a bit longer, I need to go and find a job quickly" because this is simply unhelpful. It's the wrong attitude and will only feed back into those loops.

So am I feeling more settled? Yes. Do I know what is next? No. Does this bother me? No.

I see my psychologist tomorrow afternoon. I will get something from my psychiatrist in the morning about all of this I think, which he said he can send off as part of the extension on the visa (which lasts for 2 years anyway). It's just a case of extending the timeframe for when I can receive it.

This would effect my chances of working in defence, mi6 etc but these are already off the table for me given my history anyway. The same is the case for the military and police. It does seem like some things are cancelled out because of my MH, but maybe they are things I was never keen on anyways.

That's a side issue for now.

Going to the UK - still a goal. It's a case of how I get there and WHAT I do when I get there. We have established that rocking up with no job or place to live is too chaotic. Especially based on my experience and degree background and skills. But the UK is a goal. My Psychiatrist said "Poland is always there" so I think it might be worthwhile sending them an email asking if I could be either placed on next year's list OR alternatively get some of my money back given the circumstances. Again, not my concern for now.

My concern at the moment is explaining all this to dad. My Psych spoke to my mum today too so she is in the loop. I think he will understand, he wants what is best for me. It takes some adjustment and time. But this is life and how we live it.

THanks forumites. See you a bit later today

Edit: I heard today that one of my old tutees that i helped in 2017 is working and is at uni. Doing well and studying. I joked that we should meet up for coffee and then i can get a job at the same place lol. So today has had a silver lining. This was the student who nearly quit school. But I can only take as much credit for what they achieved. Most of it was them

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In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Yeah, pets are great I think.

Nah @Zoe7 just gotta pick up my sister from the train

Going to take it easy. Need to send off one thing to a writer role but I can do that this afternoon when I'm finished watching this debate. Maybe it will help me write out a better cover letter too. Who knows..

OVerally I feel okay. Just sick of all the crap really. Idk if that even makes sense

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Can you specify what 'the crap' is or is it just a general feeling @MDT ?

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

I think "crap" is two things @Zoe7

Firstly it's the expectations from others. What I should be doing with my life right now, and what I could be doing right now.

The second part is the depressive and anxious feelings. that I'm a moron etc etc.... all that negative self talk and discursive thought

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Well you certainly are not a moron @MDT You are a bright, intelligent, driven young man. I believe some of that is also what leads you into feeling the way you do though - you have high expectations of yourself but do not feel you live up to them. Sometimes being so driven is a disadvantage when the reality does not equal the expectations. Your reality is that you have entered into a very difficult market for your preferred type of employment and that also takes time to work your way into. That does not mean that you should not be pursuing your preferred work but it does mean you need a little more patience. You have showed already your ability to get work - and some of it in the general field you are interested in. As for the expectations of others - have you actually asked straight out what they are - because that could be you putting undue pressure on yourself also in what you think others are thinking without actually knowing the reality. I also believe that we place higher expectations on ourselves when we are not well - as if we should be doing more even if the current situation is not conducive to that. The first step there is admitting to ourselves that we have some barriers in our way - for you that seems to be depression and anxiety - both of which are major issues and should be seen as such just as if a major physical illness would be. You would not be so hard on yourself to run a marathon with a broken leg - so don't be so hard on yourself for not achieving everything you expect of yourself with a MI. Despite that you excel in what you do do and that is impressive. Go easy on yourself - push yourself but not beyond your limits - and be patient. There is time for everything to happen for you and I have no doubt that will happen.

In response to: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Yes, am at work @MDT they invented tasks in the end

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

This is well put @Zoe7
"Sometimes being so driven is a disadvantage when the reality does not equal the expectations."

I think also too sometimes I remember bad advice from people who've said things or told me to improve things. Not that I ever really did take it on board. I think there is a fog on the windscreen caused by my anxiety and depressiono though. Maybe that's what this really is

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Love your fog on the windscreen analogy @MDT and what @Zoe7

Expectations from others and ourselves seem a constant juggling act. Family, friends, work, the lot ...

Yeah had a convo re "make work" and meetings with son re ndis. Today I went to a Mental Health Recovery Workshop across town ... signed up for another 9 weeks and had hire a hubby around for a quote ... he does not seem as expensive as my old hubby ... ha ha ... thats good news for me to laugh ... rather than howl out loud in pain.

Take Care All

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Thanks @Appleblossom
Hope it works out for you re maintenance of your place

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Thx @MDT

My general understanding is that well paid professional employment is getting harder to find regardless of quals and that the Middle Class in America is shrinking ... if Australia follow suite it might happen here ... maybe we can think greener and smarter ... and develop new industries. WHatever ... go easier on your self and family, but I think you are right to sometimes reflect your difficulty re "others' expectations" gently on to those you feel may benefit ...

He quoted $110 for first hour and is coming around tomorrow. I no longer can do as much physically and it takes major reserves of meeting, scheduling and patience to get my 6 footer plus to do manual work ... just did a batch of dishes but found one pan too much ... phew .... he should not have left it ....

In response to: Re: A new start (kind of)

Re: A new start (kind of)

Indeed @Appleblossom
I believe there is still hope on the horizon
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