Don't know how to deal with life. Don't know where to turn.

Hi,

This is the first time posting here.

I'm a man in my early 30's and I have social anxiety and quite severe and persistant depression. Up until early October last year, I was living with my Dad. My Dad unfortunately passed away suddenly in hospital. I have very few non-mental health worker supports. My family have pretty much exiled me. The few friends I do have are all significantly older than me and all have quite severe mental health issues themselves and I can't really ask much of them as friends during their bad times (which are often).

My Dad's house, which I have been living in for the past few months since he passed away, now needs to be sold. I've been dealing with my Dad's passing and there are several other things that have been happening with me that I'm not coping with either. I've been unable to get out of bed most days, either haven't been eating at all or just eating junk, have been unable to keep ontop of my household chores, and have generally just been in a massive miserable rut.

I've been getting significant amounts of pressure from my siblings to hurry up and move out so they can get onto selling it. Because I am on DSP and do not have a rental history, I was particularly concerned that no one would rent to someone like me. The mental health supports and the few friends I have are all in the area that I'm currently living and I'd likely lose my connections with them if I moved out of the area. My social phobia is so severe that it makes stuff like viewings hard also. The result would be that I would become homeless and completely alone and once I was homeless and completely alone, who knows what would happen to me.

With this pressure, I found a place to live a few days ago. I was very anxious at the viewing and my mental health worker came with me to make sure everything would go okay. The place is in the area that I live, but it is very small and the rent is a little bit higher than I would have liked but unfortunately to live where I am it means that the rent will need to be a bit more. I negotiated with the owner that I would sign the lease this coming Monday and that the lease would start on the Friday for six months.

I feel like I acted a bit too hasty and am getting cold feet. It is hard to differentiate between legitimate concerns and my anxieties and negative feelings. Once I sign that lease, I've made a commitment. I don't even feel like I'm in a mental state to make a move. I don't even know where to begin. I've been in bed all day just wanting to cry. Everything is too much for me to deal with. My mental health workers have been great but I see them for 2 hours a week and then the ret of the week I am completely on my own. Loneliness and feeling scared is killing me.

I'm sorry for this long message. Thanks.