BryanaCampSenior Contributor
Friendship problems
I'm struggling from a lot of anguish in my friendships. Am I the only one who finds it difficult to maintain friendships?
I've worked very hard to develop a small circle of friends and it just seems to be getting harder not easier.
One friend, I have given my unconditional support to for the past 12 months. He has suffered from a broken heart for over 12 months and I have always been there to give emotional support and empathy and encouragement. He said I was a good listener & not like other people who can't listen & just get bossy. I found I had to dig deep to give that support but gave it because I cared for my friend & know what it's like to need a good listener. He has also had health problems for the past 12 months. Again, I have given unconditional support to him, going to the pharmacy for him when he couldn't physically get there himself, fetching food for him and driving him to places he couldn't get to.
Then after all that he has not reciprocated anything in return. New Year's is a very difficult time for me and I needed him to be there for me but he refused to come, saying he had to save his energy and time for other people. Then the next day he posted photos on facebook of him having a great old time with his ex-boyfriend (the one that broke his heart). He said he was too busy & had no time for me all summer. Finally, he agreed to meet me for dinner this last week and then at the very last minute, when I was just arriving at the restaurant, he cancelled. I had driven all the way over to the other side of town to meet him.
Am I an idiot for being nice to this person who obviously doesn't respect me? I feel used and really angry and frustrated.
I have other friends but those relationships all seem fraught with difficulty too - one friend keeps asking me for lifts because he doesn't have a car and it's very stressful for me to battle through all that traffic to get to his side of town and I worry I'm just being an idiot and getting used again. Another friend seems to want to do psychotherapy on me and when I try to ask her to stop she just says "why?" instead of listening. My psychiatrist suggested looking up old friends from before I got unwell but when I contacted them no-one replied.
I feel like a big fat loser who no-one wants to spend time with. Am I just letting myself get exploited by users or am I a good friend? I can't afford to just cut off from my 'friends' because then I'll go back to the problem of being really lonely and isolated.
