Loss & grief

Dec Hi

Thank you for talking we me as I know that your grief for Companion cat it still so hard. I am so glad that you can feel her prescence. I also think that our furrbabies are always with us. I keep needing to check on Articulate. I to have gone through so many experiences of euthanasia. I feel your pain and the sadness of your loss. Companion cat - says it all. She must have been glorious and loved you entirely. You totally understand that our furr babies need to learn to be indoor children. I was only 20 when I had a special child named Teddy Max hugely hurt on the road. He was rescued by a cat loving neighbour and after some difficult surgery came home. He was so important to me. He escaped again. I carry so much guilt from another cat and I have never been able to speak about it before. I found him in a pet shop - just such horrible places. He was beautiful, shiny and black, I had to carry on to get him. He was named Luficer. He was playful and loving. I had a small knitted cat that he would take around the house yowling happily, he would find it no matter where. He had a stroke and the Vet said it was a spider bite or injury. He had another, I saw him spinning across the floor. He then vomitted after days and I know my partner was angry. I left Articulate that day and did not check well enough. He had lost function. Somehow he dragged himself from the bathroom to hide under a cupboard. I will always feel bad because I didn't help him. I came home from work and I finally found him such a horrific day he must have had. He died in my arms and screamed when he passed. I was so wrong.

The story of Articulate Part IV

Today I again worked to ensure that his resting place would be right. I dug, weeded and mostly put the patio area back together. His grave was further prepared, no more saturation. I just kept on working through the tears. My memories are so vivid and my thoughts continue as a stuck record. It is so hard to have to euthanise a child. My furr babies are my family they all matter so much. I have struggled with being with the others. I think I have become afraid of further loss. They have now started to be with me. Somehow they feel my sadness. We buried him this evening and his funeral was so right. I have received another gift. My swollen eyes have resolved. Articulate is now safe and I can now grieve. I will miss him so much. I understand that he gave me as much time as he could. I know I am so fortunate that he became such a wonderful part of my life.