Getting healthy but losing old friends...

Hi @Sahara thank you so much for sharing, truly this is such a relatable issue that so many people struggle with - please know you are not alone.

You nailed it on the head, it's an ambiguous kind of grief, a lot to hold on your own no doubt. It's like the pay off for all of the deep emotional work, is this increidble insight, this shift in perception which naturally results in a shedding of friend groups. There may be a stint of loneliness but I assure you there is a new tribe of friends out there who can meet you at your emotional level

Are there any activities you enjoy doing since recovering? Yoga or art or something you can sink your teeth into, potentially meeting like-minded individuals?

We're here to listen in the meantime and I do hope that this community helps you to feel less alone in the process of losing old friends

Thank you @Former-Member,

it is very good to know that someone else can reate to what I am going through..

In some ways this is a very small worry, but in another way, it is a wide-ranging problem with huge consequences for the way I live my life.

I do not want to break up with old friends.... I just wish they could acknowledge a more meaningful aspect of life, of what is really important to human beings.... Which I believe is a deeper connection. But I think I am howling for the moon.

We live in such a shallow world. Mostly, I don't mind and I get by... I just ignore all the rubbish that I can't be bothered participating in. It's only when I see old friends that I have to acknowledge the huge gulf between us and I feel so sad. Not that I would ever go back... Not in a billion years! I would much rather live with the insight that I've gained.

thank you.

Thank you @TAB,

its good to see you still on the forums. How are you doing, by the way?

It has been a few day now since I burst into tears over my lack of connection with my friend. I am still thinking about it, but I realise that is is meant to be. We can never force another person to open up or to be the person we would like them to be.

Also, I think it is really important to acknowledge that there is no such thing as a truly shallow person. (Except for perhaps a sociopath- but my friend is definitely not a sociopath!!) People only act shallow, or appear shallow, because they are either reluctant to go deeper due to fear or embarrassment, or else they see no need to go deeper, as their shallow life has served them well.

When you have been through what I have, living on the surface is no longer an option. Thank you @TAB for saying that I have experienced something most people would never go through..... I actually never thought of it that way. We all have our troubles and mental illness is just one of many trials human beings can experience. It's just that it gives you such insight.

what have you been up to? I remember we had some discussions about your family a while back.

Hey there @Sahara, I can relate to a lot of what you've said in your original post. People I was friends with before mental illness, I no longer relate to and find a lot of them incredibly shallow too. I'd hate to think I was once that shallow myself. Other friends now I've moved forward in my recovery, seem stuck on the playing the victim and would rather not play an active role in their own recovery. This frustrates me too and I feel I can no longer relate to that role.

So I find myself in a sort of limbo between those who have and do not have a mental illness. It seems the 'do nots' don't want anything to do with the the 'haves' (and that includes me). Getting healthy but losing old friends is a tough gig, especially when nobody is currently interviewing for the role of new best friend.

I wish you well regardless!

@TAB,

I am very sorry to hear of your family worries, that is really hard for you. I have experienced a few deaths in my family, too. It really takes its toll and it is very sad. I wish you much peace.

The money thing is always difficult and its normal for some tensions, I think. Yes, of course everyone will want their share and it won't make much difference who needs the money and who doesn't, unfortunately - I think it is just human nature. I hope you can work it all out with your sis.

Hi @Queenie,

yes, I totally agree with you about people with MI who do not take an active role in their own recovery- that has always bothered me too, and hence I don't seem to have many friends with MI (er, that would be none, I guess!) or if people I know do have MI, then they are very quiet about it.

I faced a lot of opposition from people in my life when I sought help for my depression/anxiety. My partner at the time said "you don't need a doctor." My own mother said "you don't need to see a psychologist". Can you believe it? These were people who were supposed to care about me!

I had to be very determined to get help and to recover from MI as I had no support in my life and had to do everything myself. So if someone is getting all the support they deserve, yet they don't do anything at all to help themselves, I find it hard to comprehend.

That other thing you mentioned, about wondering if I was once a shallow person too- yep, I am beginning to wonder that, and it is very intriguing to me. Great to hear from you, @Queenie!

Well I was just recapping I guess @Sahara but it can be a recurring theme so to speak, I hope things get to make more sense with your friends

@Sahara. I totally understand this sense of loss. I have been best friends with my bestie for 40 years, but we don't have deep conversations at all.

I had an old friend that I used to get this conversation from, where we could talk about anything and everything. It was empowering to stretch my mind with our conversations. But our friendship ended, and so too did those meaningful conversations.

I miss my old friend. I think I miss our conversations even more. Leaves a big hole.