New here and not coping well

Hi, I just got

told about this site and I thought I would give this a shot. I have tried everything else and nothing has helped so far

I am a 22 year old female that suffers with chronic depression as well as high functioning Autism.

Lately I have been feeling really lonely due to sone of my so called friends always ditching me and making excuses not to to see me. They only ever want me and my family when they want something, therefore making me feel used and worthless. Due to my Autism I find it hard making friends, and the fact that all my friends are busy and haven't got time to see me a lot upsets me because I am not that busy myself. I wish I had their life of being busy and have multiple friends to go and see in their spare time. I don't have that in my life at all therefore it makes me lonely.

This so called friend has been using me for years, even to the point where they chose my ex over me for ages. She also has a habit of telling him all my business because it makes him better to hear how low I am in life.

Everytime she hurts me I just get real low and suicidal, and for the last few years it has gotten to the point where I have had multiple suicide attempts and self harm episodes where I have ended up in hospital because she has hurt me so bad.

It has gotten so bad where my mum and u are arguing all the time and I can't stand seeing my mum so upset.

This week has been my breaking point. I got so sick of being lonely that I hurt myself twice this week, once last Wednesday and today when my mum was away for a little bit. Honestly if I had anything sharper I would have killed myself.

I am also very bored at home with nothing to do, so I over think a lot.

I'm over friends hurting me and I just want to be happy at home on my own, but my autism won't allow me to let things go.

Has anyone who has experienced this got any tips on how to let things go so they don't consume me and make me suicidal? I also would like some tips on how to keep me occupied at home and how to do everyday things while being so depressed.

If you have any ideas that would be great!

Thank you so much!