Supporting mother while struggling with own mental illness

Hi all,

This is my first post on any SANE forum and I would really appreciate any help or guidance from you guys. For some context, I am a young carer (19 y/o) and I'm currently caring for my mother, who has psychotic episodes and delusions, depression, anxiety, obsessive tendencies (I don't have a definite diagnosis but this is what her doctor told me). Being a carer is new to me, and I've only been doing this for roughly 6 months. The reason for this is that when I was quite young, I made the choice to leave my home as living there became too toxic and difficult, and that I knew that if I had continued to stay, I would present a danger to myself. My mother has always been extremely controlling of me, in part because of her psychotic delusions, and would often direct me on how to act (e.g. when to blink, eat, sleep, or leave my own room) when I lived with her. She was also physically and verbally abusive.

Flash forward a few years, and my mum has come back into my life. After I had left the home, she went missing for a period and was hospitalised before her social workers contacted me again. I allowed her to move into my apartment and made the appropriate adjustments and steps to become a carer. However, due to our strained past and her behaviour towards me before I left, I was wary to let her back into my life and only allowed her to live with me under the condition that she would take active steps to take care of her mental health.

It has been 6 months since that move, and her mental illness has only exacerbated. She's refusing to attend any appointments with doctors and social workers, and has refused to also take her medication. She also spends most of her days inactive, mainly just laying on her bed. Every time I offer to help her with her medication or booking an appointment with a doctor, she becomes defensive and aggressive. Her controlling tendencies are also coming back and she has taken to 'directing' me to do specific things. Given my difficult upbringing, this is extremely hard for me to deal with - I too have clinical depression, anxiety and PTSD. I feel like I'm in the same position as I was when I was younger and that, if she doesn't take active steps to improve her own health, my own mental health will suffer.

How do I approach this situation? Communication is extremely difficult for us, and as stated, she does get defensive and aggressive whenever I bring this up. She also actively mocks me and changes the subject when I try to talk to her, or ignores me when I speak. She's my own mother and I do understand that I have no obligation to help her if she doesn't help herself, but I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt because I know that she's also vulnerable and acting out. I'm her only family. After she went missing, I had fears that she harmed herself and the aspect of losing her again (she will definitely cut out all contact with me if she leaves again) will only destroy me again.

Apologies for the splurge of information. I really do appreciate any feedback or support because I feel so lost and overwhelmed right now. Thank you.