Please Help - Wife resents me following hospitalisation

My wife and i have known each other since we were 11, we are 30 now. We were each others first kiss in late primary school and then went off to different high schools. We met back up at university and started dating. We got married 8 years later and have been married for 2 years this year. She is of Asian heritage, her and her two siblings were born in Australia though. They are aussie kids.. parents are traditional in their cultural beliefs etc.

Earlier this year my wife started some strange behaviour. Thinking that the house was bugged, people were in the house or in the yard, the place her parents were living was not actually owned by them (it is), paranoid that there was something wrong with the water, not sleeping at all, catatonic state - the list goes on. i had no idea what to do - was this normal - no - but what should i do. I got in contact with my sister who is a psychologist who herself got some further advice and she said that my wife should be going to hospital.

So her father gets involved and says that all my wife needed was some rest for a few days. I felt uneasy about this however she went to her dads that morning. I called to see how she was and he said she was fine. I then visited that evening with my sister and she was not fine. Still withdrawn and then out of the blue accused her mum of touching her and putting something in her that she just got out.. We went the the hospital that evening, her parents decided not to come.

The delusions continued.. she was treated by a nurse and was then convinced she had AIDS and that no one should touch her as they might get aids. She would not drink any water unless i gave it to her in a bottle. An assessment was done and it was confirmed she was having an episode of acute psychosis. The treating team said that they have a duty of care and admitted her under an involuntary treatment order.

So my wife is in the ward for about 2 weeks, struggles with getting the right medication but in the end found something that worked for her re side affects. Everything seems to be going ok, she was upset about not having control of her life and that she went into hospital, and then she is notified that she is no longer involuntary. She was super happy about this. Over the course of the year we had been talking about/planning for our first child which she was excited for and wanted to start trying as soon as we could. We discussed talking to her Dr about the medication and how that will work with pregnancy etc.

She gets a new job (long hours, stressful, much the same as the previous job which i think triggered the first episode however she is now working with more supportive colleagues). About 2 weeks ago (early December 18) she said that she needed some space to think about things. Before this i noticed that she was spending a lot of time on her own in the house but in the other room, listening to music, netflix etc. We have always respected each other space so i didn’t think much of it. every now and then if i want some me time so i just go into another room and do the same thing, no big deal. So she says she needs space and time to think and i come home one evening and we have a big discussion about the following;

• she resents the decision i made to take her to hospital
• she resents my sister for the role she played in her hospitalisation
• she brings up that my mothers family treat her poorly and i am not there to support her enough on this matter - agreed i could do better here
• she says that she has feelings for a colleague at work and has done so since she started the new job (about 8 weeks ago)
• i was shocked by this and asked all the questions such as faithfulness, how strong are the feelings, why does she like him, does he reciprocate the feelings etc.

Her response was i don’t know if he does, he is married with 2 children. I said ok does anyone else at work know and she said she wasn’t sure and that maybe it was just one big joke… that is when i went hold on… one big joke.. ?? In my mind if you’re going to tell your significant other that you have feelings for someone else then its not normal to think that everyone at work thinks this is one big joke nor is it even relevant. This was a tick box for me on a relapse.

She went to her sisters for time and space and then came home that evening at 2 am saying that she had thought things through and she loves me. We continued to talk and i asked her about her sleep - she had not been sleeping for a few days… another tick in the relapse column. i asked her why she thinks she has not been sleeping and she said i don’t know its like someone has laced me with medication (referencing a drug she was previously on that kept her awake). I said really, and she said have you? i said no darling i have not. She then proceeded to pop out all the left over medication that kept her awake that we had in the house and asked me if it was safe to flush them down the toilet.. another tick in the relapse box. i said yes and she flushed them. I then asked her if she thought it would help to have a PRN relaxant and try to relax and get some sleep. She agreed and i got her a glass of water to take it. She tipped the water out and filled the cup again… another tick.

The next day she said she wanted to go and stay with her parents. She has been there for about 8 days now. We have spoken once (a few text messages also) and she has basically said she is not sure about our future, we should cancel our beach holiday in early January etc.

I feel at such a loss, my soul mate who i have known since i was 11 is basically not wanting anything to do with me. I have respected her request for space and have not contacted her. She has said she doesn’t want marriage counselling which i find hard to take because we always have talked things out. I am really hurt and hurting, did i do the right thing in getting her to hospital?

What am i to do? How much space do it give her? Is this a relapse or not? If it is how do i get her help as her parents (where she is staying) don’t really believe in mental health issues. If it is not a relapse how do i save our relationship?