Hi there @Peri with a wave to @Zoe7 and others who may be reading.
I really feel for you with regards to where you now find yourself. My heart breaks for you. Does your eldest son and his family live permanently in the UK or is it on a work placement? How old are your grandchildren? Do they make it back to Australia on a regular basis?
I do agree with you about work being a good interaction with people, as well as being a very good distraction from other personal issues. In some regards, my work was my little break away from life. But its now almost 12 months since I had to quit work for personal MH reasons. Then of course my husband got so unwell with several hospitalisations, it meant I would not have been able to work anyway. And I think now, there is no chance of getting back to work. At least I am back into the volunteering one half day a week.
I am wondering if some form of volunteer work may be an option for you. There are many options for people who would like to contribute in some way. Perhaps your local area have a volunteer coordination and placement provider that you could enquire at. It does sound as though you need to get out of the house a bit more than you do. Your younger son sounds like hard work. Its hard to feel we are depended upon more than we should be.
Since your more recent diagnosis of PTSD, I am wondering if you have now been referred to either a psychiatrist or a psychologist for some form of therapy to help you manage the worst of the symptoms you are experiencing. Certainly making ourselves isolated is very much a common trait with PTSD. And as you would know, PTSD is primarily an anxiety disorder, but its also very common for people experiencing it to have regular or constant bouts of depression with it too.
I found when I first had to give up work that I felt I had no reason to get up in the mornings. My days lacked structure and I felt all at sea. I had worked for so much of my life. I was working while still at school on weekends. Left school at 17 after completing the HSC and got a full time job. And then worked either full time or part time until last year. So suddenly not having work after having done it for over 40 years takes some getting used to. It is a pretty major upheaval in our life. It equates to moving house. Which you have also done this year.
I think Christmas always brings home to us the fact that lost loved ones are no longer with us. Its a time for reflection and introspection in that regard. We never stop missing those dearly beloved ones who are no longer with us. But I am confident that you still have a lot to contribute to society, be that family friends or others in need. Have confidence that this is a temporary setback. The rest of your life will look more positive once things settle down and you are able to seek some professional support to help you through and deal with your PTSD. Keep in mind that this is still a relatively new diagnosis for you, perhaps you are still adapting to the 'label'.
I am thinking of you right now Peri, and hoping you are doing a little better than you were. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Are you doing anything for Christmas, or will it be just you and your son? Have you had to battle the vast hordes of shoppers at the shops today? Unfortunately I had to this morning.
Wishing you the best Peri.
Sherry 🌸💜🤗💕
