Putting off Hip Replacement due to Agorophobia

Hello anyone,

The title is really just the tip of the iceberg but that would be true of all of us posting here. I'm 51, have experienced anxiety starting at age 6 and escalating over time in a non-linear way. Finally became so crippled by the physical symptoms/consequent isolation from family and friends (except for my wonderful wife thankfully) that I surrendered my legal career (such as it had become) and became homebound at 40. Along with this came secondary depression in the circumstances. I do not leave the house except for medical appointments.

I put up the good fight from age 18 initially with a raft of psychologists, whilst taking benzo's initially weekly but soon daily with beta blockers. Then it was on to psychiatrists and SSRI's, SNRI's, Tricyclics, Maoi's and atypical anti-psychotics along with the therapy of choice of the physicician (mindfulness being the current iteration).

Refreshingly, my current psychiatrist, upon reviewing the reports I had dutifully kept from previous practitioners, stated at the outset that he was not going to refer to the "textbook" with me as I had exhausted it. Instead he would try some medications from case reports rather than wait for something that has gone through 5 years of trials etc. At the moment there I am at status quo and no psychologogical/meditative/alternative therapy has ever conferred any benfit upon me unfortunately. But it has not been through lack of trying.

Anyway, if you have got this far ... earlier this year my left hip lower back became painful and limited in movement and I was told I needed total hip replacement surgery. The thought of surgery does not bother me at all, if I could be admitted in the morning and come home (guaranteed) that night. To Of course, it is a 4 night stay away from my house, with my meds taken out of my hands and no access to alcohol. (It always reassures me that if my mind really turns in on itself I have access at home to my meds and a couplse of shots of scotch to knock the edge off of it - I doubt a nurse will oblige such a request!).

So, It's December, I've been on painkillers most of the year and I still, despite talking it over with my wife/psych have not been able to come up with a strategy for how on earth I can get this surgery done. I don't really know whether I am asking for help or just sharing/getting it off my chest. If anyone has been housebound for so long and faced the challenge of being away and out of control of their circumstances whilst they were away I would be interested to hear of their experience.

Apologies for an essay as a first post!