Christmas Loungeroom

Shopping and chemist done and dinner eaten @TAB Going to have meds now and get an early night after I reply to some more posts. Hope you are having an okay afternoon and the evening is an easy one for you.

Gotna couple more things I need to do tonight - mostly cleaning up and then I can think about bed @TAB - already feeling the effects of meds so I better get to it. Hope you get to sleep sooner rather than later tonight - catch you tomorrow.

hello @TAB, hope you have a good day tomorrow xx

@Shaz51 Thanks for the tag, it’s taken me a couple of days to jump on.

I really struggle at this time of year. I hate the shopping, the Xmas carols, pretty much everything. I used to LOVE Xmas but I haven’t felt the joy for years now. My councillor asked about it at our last session and wanted to know how long I’ve felt this way - I’ve felt like this for most of my married life, so about 25years. It’s for a variety of reasons, made worse the year I lost my 9yo son.

Today I picked my mum up and took her Xmas shopping. She has dementia and it is declining rapidly. I had also organised a hair cut for her (at her request). Long story short, she got a bee in her bonnet and got a bit peeved at me and was a bit of a brat most of the day. She went to her hair appointment and wouldn’t let them cut it, so they just blow dried it in the end.

I spent a lot of time trying to cheer her up while also trying to shop for gifts. I was able to find something for the Wishing Tree - a gift I buy for my lost son in his honour so that another child doesn’t go without. Mum decided to sit in the car for the rest of the day while my hubby ducked into shops. I really wanted to finish my shopping but didn’t want to leave her alone so I ended up sitting in the car with her.

I’m so f@&$en angry, upset and just over the whole thing, but I still need to turn around and go back and do it all again in the next few days. I’m not angry at mum, this isn’t her, it’s the damn dementia but I just feel shit right now.

My skin prickles at the moment, I just feel very uncomfortable in my own body. I had a hair appointment myself today, something I have psyched myself

up for because I can’t stand being touched, so I’ve done battle with my own brain for weeks to prepare myself. Felt pretty good about it this morning, but by the time I got there I was so uncomfortable I was like an iron bar, stiff and rigid and hated every minute being there.

I just want to go to bed and cry and cry and wake up and it be the 27th and the whole thing be over with.

I miss being excited and happy and relaxed and just enjoying the day, it shouldn’t feel like this.

Hi @Shaz51 thankyou, hope you do as well