@TAB @Zoe7 @MDT @saturnzoon and all others. All I can say is I am glad that Christmas day is gone! It was a horrible nightmare! The person that had me go over, I rang in the morning and said I did not feel up to going but she kept on insisting and said that if I did not she was going to come and force me. I gave in and said ONLY for lunch then leaving.
She had 3 others there. I was not in a good spot mentally and just wqanted to get away. When lunch was finished we were having coffee, and she put on this very bad kids animated Christmas video. It had subtitles, the subtitles did not match the words and the words did not match the animation. Every time one of us tried to say anything or move she insisted we stop, then rewound the dvd and we had to rewatch part of it. I was not allowed to use any of my coping mechanisms. She took monkey and put him where I could not reach him. She told me off for getting out colouring and took it away. I felt like a naughty 3 year old the way she was going on. I was thinking it was just me and got up as soon as it got to the end (about 3) and headed out the door after taking back my stuff. The others all left with me, and we all stopped just away from her house and they said they felt awful with the way she was going too. They also felt like naughty children.
I came home and curled up with monkey in bed and stayed there. Later I got out my journal and started writing and writing and writing. About 15 pages in all. And I could not sleep.
The friend that wanted me to go around today rang about 10.30. She said I sounded really bad and offered to get her husband to come get me. I know I can do anything attheir place, have monkey, colour, journal, sit silent, talk etc. So I took myself around and did not come home until after 6. She has rung me twice since then to check that I am ok. Such a totally different experience to yesterday. I am still jittery and panicky after it. This is someone I was going to get the police on once before. I do not really like Christmas with the memories it brings and loneliness. But this is just another layer on it. From now on I am going to just stay in bed for Christmas and if anyone tried to convince me to go anywhere I will refuse and get the police on them if needed. It is just too much. Then you have people all asking if you enjoyed Christmas. They will not care about the pain and trouble. So now I am anxious about going out anywhere so I do not have to lie.
Sorry for ranting, but I needed to let it out
