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Housing Crisis

Sister1984New Contributor30 Nov 2018, 12:29 pm AEDT

Housing Crisis

Hi all,

This is my first post here, my brother has suffered from psychosis - both mild and more acute - and was admitted to the mental ward of public hospital in 2016 after an incident where he tore holes in the walls of his bedroom in my grandmothers house, where both he and my mother and grandmother lived (my parents are divorced and both live with their mothers who they are full time carers for - the mothers on both side are both NPD and now into old age have serious health issues) . My uncle said at that time that my borhter wasn't able to live there anymore and it has created a massive issue for my sister and I. For two years he lived fairly stably on welfare in the rented share accomodation my parents had secured him while he was in hospital but he did not renew his lease in July and has been showing up on our doorstep demanding to live with us every 8 weeks since then. He arrived on my doorstep for the third time at 4.30am sunday and we have no idea how we are going to get him to leave now. He comes up with a new excuse for not looking for a share house every day. He has no insight and will not take medication or admit there is anything wrong with him and my sister and I are besides ourselves with anxiety and are at the end of our rope as our lives are constantly being interuppted by a fresh family crisis (the extended family is also dysfunctional, and riddled with personality disorders). I'm at the point where I'm considering moving states at the end of our lease in January and not telling anyone my new address. Do I have the right to a chance at a normal life? I'm just not coping.

2 replies

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In response to: Housing Crisis

BunniekinsSenior Contributor30 Nov 2018, 12:45 pm AEDT

Re: Housing Crisis

@Sister1984 Hi Sister1984 and welcome to the forums. The question you pose it a tricky one .... this is what I would contemplate doing under your circumstances. I would go to a neutral place, like a cafe, to meet up with your brother (take someone with you). I would say to your brother that you are concerned he is not taking his mental illness seriously and it is for that reason (not taking medications etc) that you feel he cannot move in 'at this time'.

Now if you you want to give him a chance I would say that if he can show that he is taking his medications and wants to get better then he can move in but under strict conditions. He sounds like he needs boundaries. You can work out the boundaries together.

I believe that you love your brother and want what is best for him but also want a life for yourself (which is fair enough). Personally if it were me I would give him a chance if he blows it well out he goes. You are an adult and can move anywhere you like without being questioned by anyone ... it is your life.

In response to: Re: Housing Crisis

Sister1984New Contributor30 Nov 2018, 12:56 pm AEDT

Re: Housing Crisis

Thanks Greenpea - it helps knowing we're not the only ones in this predicament. I fear we would never even get close to having this conversation as the second he hears the word illness or similar he flies off the handle and refuses to talk. We also have three pets in the house and I fear for their safety, not that he's done anything in the past but you never know - the men in my family have a history of family violence. He's already in the house so the problem is getting him out with a secure place to go to and then sticking to boundaries and if he arrives on our doorstep having left whatever housing he was in and refuses to leave, us then having to call the cops to remove him and him then being homeless. My mother isn't able to access the money in her super to buy her own property for two years, once she can do that the problem is solved because she intends to build a granny flat for him and longer term if and when she passes I would become executer of the estate and we would just never sell the property. It's just getting us through the next two years without the anxiety triggering a serious health problem for me. I'm already having the feeling of skipped heart beats and I can't concentrate on work / see friends etc because I'm crying over this all the time. It hurts so much to see him like this but at the same time it was caused by drug use in his early 20s so there is a combo of mixed emotions - I feel guilty and sad and angry and also like I'm grieving the loss of my brother over and over again every time a housing issue like this comes up.

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