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Terrible in-laws

BalnorciaContributor27 Nov 2018, 3:26 am AEDT

Terrible in-laws

[sorry in advance for the long post, I have no one to talk to and really need someone to listen to me]

I don’t know if I’m using this right, it’s been a long time since I last logged on - and so much has happened. This isn’t really about mental illness (although I’m struggling with it and it’s definitely affecting me at this moment) but rather my father in-law. When I first met him he was very nice and welcoming and even understanding about my anxiety and depression. I’ve been living with him and my partner for just over a year now and things are just getting worse. He can be lovely but the smallest things can make him snap and he will take it out on anyone and everyone. He mainly yells and threatens - he’s said a lot of times that “as far as I’m aware she (meaning me) can find somewhere else to live” if I do the smallest thing like forget to do the dishes. He has also said things along the lines of “if you were my missus I would’ve put you in your place” (meaning hit me, I can’t remember his specific phrasing). I don’t know if things would get physical with me and him but my partner ALWAYS stands up for me and it just makes things worse and that something might go down between him and his dad.. we can’t afford to move out and don’t have many places we can stay. He speaks so violently and it scares me a lot and puts me on edge - I can feel myself spiraling into something dark...but I’m trying to stable myself because I don’t want my partner to worry. I was raised differently to these people so I’m not sure if this is normal but he raises his children to think that if someone looks at you the wrong way you fight them, that he is superior and not to be questioned - to the point his children don’t speak up to him because they are scared. I get along well with the rest of the family and they have confided in me that the few times they’ve had fights with their father it’s turned physical so now they just leave when things get heated. If I ever witnessed that I would call the police 100% even though I would be shamed for doing so (as it would be considered a family matter). Is there anyone who can talk to me about this? I’m at a loss of what to do or think. He doesn’t have any mental illness (to my knowledge) but surely there can’t be justification for the way he acts?

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In response to: Terrible in-laws

Hope4meSenior Contributor27 Nov 2018, 10:17 am AEDT

Re: Terrible in-laws

Hello and welcome back @Balnorcia

Your story sounds really difficult hun. It's great you found the courage to reach out; I know what it's like to feel alone and helpless in situations where there seems to be few options available.

I understand how scared and confused you must feel with your FIL's sporadic personality changes. Walking on eggshells isn't a nice way to live is it?

Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel? It's important you have an outlet to voice your concerns. Hopefully his feedback is supportive.

I'm wondering if you've considered sitting FIL down and talking with him openly about his mood swings and hurtful words, and how scared/upset they make you feel. Sometimes bringing the obvious out in the open can mend things and allow people to look at themselves. I'm not saying to do this in the midst of an argument, just when you're having a peaceful cuppa together one day. Make sure your partner's there to keep an eye on things ok.

It's an option, and that's the main thing eh. I hope your day's going well. Try not to dwell as this makes mental health issues worse. Don't forget your GP and a counsellor/psychologist too. That support goes a long way in helping matters.

I'm not on board here much each day, but I'll keep an eye out for you ok.

Take care;

Hope xo

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