My heart so very often plummets when Mr D starts crying and I too feel helpless @Sophie1. Since his attempt I have only seen the smallest of glimpses of hope and so often feel are negated by these sessions. The fact that his crying often sounds louder than the baboon enclosure at the zoo does not help ... when he is howling he is inconsolable. If he lets me I just rest a hand on him and acknowledge the grief he has, I just keep it vague and say things like "it is tough sweetheart" "there is a lot of grief". When he is not crying I would be more likely to expand and acknowledge we do need to make adjustments and whilst it is different to before, we can still have joy.
Sophie, I have stopped trying to work out why Mr D is anxious today and just view it as part of his new reality. I stopped looking for triggers a long time ago. I used to to think that if we did or didn't do certain things, his depression might be preventable. Even though my heart sinks, I know Mr Darcy is doing what is needed to manage his disorder, taking meds, making lifestyle changes; we are doing what is humanly possible to prevent relapse. I found micromanaging exhausting and as long as I am supportive in an appropriate way I can no less prevent a relapse as much as I cannot prevent a heart attack.
Sadly the disorder is cyclical, so there will be times when action is needed such as when depression appears to be worsening, certainly if Mr D was to become delusional / psychotic or started mentioning suicide I would raise immediate concerns. At present he is getting distressed that he is crying so much so I have said I would get in touch with his case worker to see if an earlier appointment would be warranted. I will put together my observations and send an email.
There is grief and loss that comes with a diagnosis, the inability to hold down a job etc. along with ongoing living grief - not being able to do everything we would like to such as Ms S and travel but at the end of the day focusing on what remains, not what has been taken away is more helpful. (Mr D is not able to do that as yet). There are a lot of free events around and going to these or taking even a sandwich if not a nicer picnic lunch to places of natural beauty can help keep our lives full. Sometimes this comes at the expense of the R & R we would like to have at home with the pets following a busy week. A holiday from home, seeing local sights that one never seems do, can also be fun.
Given the clash between meds and alcohol are well documented, we are pretty much teetotallers (me in sympathy), a very occasional social drink is it. I see it as part of holistic support along with some of the other lifestyle adjustments that make for better outcomes for Mr D. In any event, socially we tend to go out more for coffee so not really missing it even when we catch up with friends. I think if you notice that a predinner drink = crying later, perhaps best to avoid it.
Hope this helps a little.
