LearnerNew Contributor
Invisible carer
I am a middle aged woman with a mental illness (bipolar). I live with a man who partly cares for me. He has never been diagnosed with any mental illness and is functional with a part-time job and in a basic way is okay. He's affectionate and kind in his actions but emotionally distant when it comes to showing empathy for other people. The way he speaks often seems delusional and based in paranoia. He loves conspiracy theories and likes to speak loud and excited about these things. Some people have said they think he has Aspergers (it's also been said of me). He himself says he relates to symptoms described by people with schizophrenia. He says he hears voices in a dream state he goes in and out of throughout each day, as he has for decades. He means inside his head rather than thinking someone is actually talking to him in real life, but it seems vivid. There are stranger things he says too. He says he enjoys this mental world a great deal but I find the things he says about it dark, and I feel frightened of it.
We spend a lot of time on separate computers not speaking much to each other. We don't visit other people very much, just one friend regularly. We have been together for over a decade but have rarely been intimate in the last number of years and have separate bedrooms. We both seem depressed and unmotivated, alternating with childish, playful banter that brings us joy. We also play musical instruments together sometimes. We love each other. But in some ways we are not good for each other and we have both thought of leaving. This is complicated by being financially dependent on living together. Rent and living expenses are simply too high otherwise. Both of us have got close to homelessness when single.
He has already told me he will not see therapists or seek diagnosis and I understand his choice. I would not have accepted my diagnosis except I was unable to work or function. Who wants a label like this to brand them in life? But I honestly don't know how to cope with both of us apparently being mentally ill sometimes, especially since I'm the only one carrying the weight of a diagnosis and so I tend to feel I'm to blame for everything that seems wrong. Although it seems invisible to most people, I do care for him in return too, mostly I think by helping him stay calm and connected with such a wild mind. Am I a carer too? I'd like to know what other people who are carers think and any advice on all this.
