JaJoLaHeCasual Contributor
New here but not new to mental illness
Hi,
I joined a while ago and never posted out of shyness and I suppose not knowing what to say. I then rejoined recently and again didn't post.
I rang SANE this afternoon for some insight into how to help myself with my depersonalisation and derealisation. The derealisation and depersonalisation are my two main mental health issues at the moment. The female I spoke to was so helpful (to me that was a shock after having bad experiences with Lifeline, Beyond Blue and GriefLine as well) that I thought I should take the plunge and post an introduction.
I'm 44. My 13 year old sister died in 1992 from medical negligence. I was 20 at the time and the eldest of three girls. She is the youngest. I found out 6 days later that I was pregnant with our first child. I was so elated about being pregnant that the grief from my sister's death didn't hit me until after our son was born.
I have had little to no support dealing with the mental illness. I would say no support but I have seen psychiatrists on and off over the years, they just haven't been very helpful. Some have actually told me that my problems were too great for them.
I've tried to book myself into the local mental hospital twice, second time being in September last year when I was suicidal. They refused to admit me the first time as I was 'too sane', last year they refused as I wasn't schizophrenic or paranoid.
I've been diagnosed with a multitude of mental illnesses all are based on or caused by my fear of death.
My husband is my support person, I call him my 'security blanket'. Up until 11 days ago I was with him 24 hours a day 7 days a week for almost 10 years. We bought a small retail business in 2006 and had to close it in December. He's just started back at his previous company and I'm finding it hard to adjust to him being gone 12 hours a day five days a week.
I had a phone call from him just after the lovely female from SANE helped me this afternoon. It was to say the bank has started proceedings to sell our house (that I have grown up in and mortgaged to buy him the business) as we are behind $5000- in mortgage repayments. Given the house would sell for a minimum $600 000- it's a very low blow. We asked all Charities for help last year with anything they could give us towards food or bills so we wouldn't fall behind in the mortgage. Not one of them would help us because we had a small business.
I am also in the process of applying for DSP, final appointment is about two weeks away but the bank doesn't care about that.
As I have had mental illness for so long this is just a very brief introduction that I've put off for too long.
