ocderCasual Contributor
OCD, it keeps happening
Will I ever beat my OCD? I have a peculiar type of OCD which is related to contamination. Largely based around inhalation of chemicals such as Asbestos and/or other fibres. I think something happened in my past (knowing people affected) and also working in the science medicine area which also gives me to tools to research and some might say obsess.
My fear or obsession I think is largely around proving that I will be safe and won't succumb to one of the really nasty terminal diseases that afflicts people often in the industrial space.
Generally I have become very sensitive to chemicals due to allergies that I have and obviously my knowledge (no ego here, rivals some experts), because the obsession drives me to expand my knowledge. So anyhow, what do my behaviours look like. Typically it goes something like this:
1. Some Trigger Event, maybe being in a building with contaminants. (Obsession)
2. Need for re-assurance that I have not been exposed or the levels are tolerable. (You might call this the ritual)
3. Shut down until I can get 2, if I can get it.
Some basically it could be anything. The more unknown or known the worst. Hell it doesn't seem to matter what it is, unless "I know" for sure its harmless. For example Table salt or such like, but the problem is my mind gets stuck in 2. Endlessly trying to prove that I or those around me have not been harmed.
Now I know some conditions, toxicology really well. Of course, there are billions of chemicals and always something new and challenging. But I'm finding this is now getting worse as I have a newborn and recently married and no matter what I do to keep the family safe always something is there, whether it is the smoking neighbours or use of chemicals.
More example of OCD triggers
Most recently found that some cigarette smoke was coming in from a neighbour so I sealed up the house with silicone. I took some precautions, its relatively harmless (rational according to the instructions), but of course was stinky for a while and kept people out of he way, but of course, for me this is not enough because whilst they were largely not around, they were still in the same house. So now, I go back to step 2 (from above) and replay every single angle, work out the toxicity, harm, issues, exposure levels etc. Of course, I CANNOT prove that baby is safe and thus experience intense feelings of anxiety, guilt, shame, stupidity etc. Maybe we don't know these chemicals are dangerous, just not enough testing, perhaps not all chemicals were tested.
Basically anything airborne causes extreme anxiety. Any new smells or un-familiar exposures or familiar but known such as smoking creates extreme stress and can kick off a phase if i cannot get to 3. above by proving that I will or they'll be okay.
I'm not risk avoidant
I did get this diagnosed as OCD, i didn't believe it at first, I thought I should be washing my hands 1500 times a day as the stereo-type goes. But I have come to accept that something in me triggered or was already there, the OCD. I'm pretty outgoing and do some risky things, I'm not shy, but I do pull my hair (not out). but I tend to play with it. As do I pick at my cuticles. I just put it down to boredom, like I need some additional stimulation.
What I've tried
It was a CBT person that recommended that I go down that route for OCD, I then moved away from that area, he was good, but I didn't believe him it was OCD that much. I thought it was rational to do what I was doing, I'd been doing it for 20 years. I then tried the Brain Lock book which was good. My problem is am relapsing, I'm finding it hard to deal with the frequency of events, recently its been smoking (public and near the home), wood dust, and silicon above just yesterday. I'm exhausted, have a new baby and my wife is extremely tired and does not need me in this state.
What to do?
