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Help with boundry statagies

Help with boundry statagies

Hi, I need some advice or strategies to cope with my 20 year old daughter. She has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little while ago. She was on anti depressants but decided she didn't want to be on them anymore. I can not get her back to the drs. She makes erratic decisions and then expects me to clean up after her. I find it very hard to say no to her, there's a mothers guilt and also the emotional blackmail or cutting herself or suicide (which I'm scared will become a reality). She wants me at her beck and call 24/7 and we end up arguing if I am at work/sleeping/doing something that I can't answer her as soon as she calls (some mornings i wake up to 50 or 60 missed calls and then abusive texts). Explaning does nothing, she is irrational. Her father won't talk to her any more she does the same to him, she has only me and I'm scared if i stop she will have no one, but I think I'm also enabling her and I need to set boundries.....any suggestions with strategies are welcome. I'm at my wits end. Thank you 😊

132 replies

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In response to: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

the meds will take a few weeks to work @Janiee

so walking with you and your daughter

does ypur daughter loves cheese , I do

@Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

💓 @Janiee .... hearing you ...

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Well I had a quiet weekend, no calls or texts since thursday and it wasn't aggressive. She text yesterday, again, not aggressive. She had an incident at the supermarket, which makes her anxious anyway, and was upset. As much as I enjoyed a quiet weekend, then I was stressing over why I hadn't heard from her...so I'm hoping anxiety meds might be starting to kick in.

Lol our whole family LOVES cheese @Shaz51, she is slowly putting on weight and trying to get back into good habits, but it doesn't take much to set her back again. Just focusing on the positives. @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Determined @Former-Member thank you all for you support xx

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

That is positive news @Janiee but do understand anxiety over no contact.

Trust the meds are working and can continue to work.

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

I was keeping an eye on her in other ways, never underestermate a worried mother lol 😉. @Determined

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

That is positive news @Janiee

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Ahh the lulling me into a false sense of security lol. I should have known it wouldn't last. Woke up this morning to abusive texts, she is angry with her father and so lets take it out on me too. Its a vicious cycle, I think she might be scared to get off of. Its easier to just stay angry and stay there than try to fix it. @Shaz51 @Determined @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

@Janiee

I have often wondered if my darling feels uncomfortable when things are going well and subconsciously sabotages things 😔

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Well going by my 3 hr phone call today and multiple texts, I would say self sabotage is definitely possible with my girl @Determined.

It feels like she is comfortable telling people how hard done by she is but not that she is getting help offered.

Its like when I'm happy about something, she has to bring me down.

With her, its like her whole identity is the mental health problem at the moment and she doesn't know how to be known a happy person. Part of it, with her, is trying to get 100% of my attention too I think.

Not sure if any of this makes sense or is similar to your Darling @Determined

In response to: Re: Help with boundry statagies

Re: Help with boundry statagies

Many similarities there @Janiee

I have often said that I need to appear happy for my darling to function but if there is any 'risk' that I may be content with life then it all comes crashing down.

I can almost guarentee getting a call re self harm thoughts whenever at critical times like before exams at uni or at any sort of function doing something for me 😕

Most recent example was multiple was when I was away for the day doing a motocycle licence course. Something I had been looking forward to turned into 2 days of stress and anxiety wondering what I would be coming home to. So yes unfortunately I get that.

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