What to do with life?

Hi bigJ:

i have a diagnose of personality disorders and I too, struggle with existence.

People always say we came here for a reason as if a reason is intrinsic to our existence. This is because our mind are designed for reasoning but we don’t have to be obsessed about why. Or have to persue sometime just to be “normal”

if you ask me what’s the point, the answer I give would be: present. This moment, today. Focus on today rather than planing or developing something. Try some mindfulness practice like observe the the trees and bushes or even traffic,closely. Because this is the point, right now and every single each of the moments you are experiencing, memories them, embrace them and make peace with yourself.

hope this helps. And people do care!

@BigJ Your not alone with what you posted. I often drive the same road every day to work and at a certain part of the road I ask myself the same things. What am I doing? Is this what I am expected to do? Is this what gives me joy? Etc etc questioning life in general. Then I say to myself, well life is about choices, it’s what you choose in life, but dig a little deeper and it’s not that simple.

I totally get where you are coming from. I’m a highly creative person with ADHD & anxiety + depression and I go from being totally inspired with so many ideas to completely overwhelmed and also lonely because I find that I don’t have any truly connected relationships. I’m almost ALWAYS thinking in existential terms...and I even have a strong and very personal faith (in the God of the Bible, whom I believe to be the Creator of the Universe...) I struggle to live in a world so filled with grief and hurt and that my choice seems to be to either live with and process the constant pain on a daily basis, or to be so overwhelmed that I need a way to soothe myself (I’ve found alcohol to be an instant bandaid yet it prevents me from building my frustration tolerance...BLAH BLAH BLAH which will I choose? I’m a human = the easy way = alcohol???? Or: I trust in a power greater than me = I can do this = no outside substance only faith in the power greater than I...??? UGHHH) I’m learning that I have Anxious Attachment and that I’m married to my husband who is Avoidantly attached. Nothing like a good game of “Chase Your Lover for Connection & Trust” to throw my mental state into a tizzy. Anyway... I’m new to these forums and am hoping to gain wisdom on how to grow and heal... Thanks for your post... Looking forward to any follow up thoughts you might have. Until then... -SW

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@BigJ wrote:

Hi forums.

I dont know where to start.. been having ongoing existential troubles. I've either had enough of pursuing anything or havent identified what is really worth pursuing. e.g. I used to get quick bursts of hope when I think or act on bringing something new/material into my life, such as a new guitar or whatever, but that dies off very quickly. I used to like the idea of getting a block of land somewhere and creating my own sustainable habitat, but judging previous experiences, that would just make me even more lonely. My mind does not seem to serve me effectively.

I understand that we all go through the struggles of life, mortgages, children etc. But that stuff seems extremely disappointing in terms of myself being alive, perhaps I have developed irrational expectations. I cannot begin to explain my hatred for going to a job to earn a wage to pay for this stuff, I dont want to play this game. I am in yet another situation of convincing a potential employer that I'm keen to work as a valuable employee.

What is really worth pursuing? If I can identify what I can do to let go of everything and fall into some kind of fulfilling role or purpose, that may be gratifying for me. I don't know. I'm not a sheep, nor a wolf, and im done with being passive. The current trend for a 'normal life' is far from appealing. What should I do with my time alive?

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This is such an interesting question!

I could go a lifetime and never solve the mystery.

A man could make a billion dollars and never be happy but by the same token so could a poor man. So what DO you want? I would suggest doing a little exercise: write down a list of 5 thing or experiences you want to accomplish and then reverse engineer the steps you need to get there. One of your thing might take 20 steps to get there. However, guess where you start? Step 1. So you will always have 5 things you are working on.

And if you don’t get there straight away that’s ok too. The fact you are questioning these things means you are more than ready to explore and read different topics or philosophy which could help you understand your way forward.

astroboy

Hi all, thanks so much for the replies, and sorry for the delay in getting back.

Its good to see some people with some similarities, I appreciate all your time.

looking at the first 2 replies, the key words that stand out to me are 'present' and 'choices'.

I'd admit I certainly need to centre myself and ground in this moment, quiet the mind. My current living and working circumstances are something im not settling with, no way. I did go through some acceptance and commitment therapy a while back, and it did shine some light and provide useful methods, I feel I still have a resposibilty to direct my life. 'Normal' is certainly not something i'm concerned about, its a relative term, that seems better lived without. But looking outwards, I'm certain theres a better life I can build for myself. I agree its not that simple. Sometimes I wish I could just go to an altar or something and just have a perfect plan beamed down, like, yeah...

I should probably fill you in on some of my cicumstances to clarify where I'm coming from.

Im 27 now, been single for years, living with mum and her partner, most of the time I cant stand it, I'm not usually shamed about it, but I cant stand her partner, or her sometimes, as much as I've tried. I pick my daughter up every second weekend and resent taking her back here for the weekend, I want to be my own person with my own space, as I type this they're obviously watching a horror or something, all i can hear is screaming and stupid sound effects. I need to get out of this place. But then its the secure employement to do this. Ive worked in heaps of fields now, yet I lack any 'formal eductation' or degrees. I'm currently working as a concretor, working dodgy on abn. I hate concreting. No jobs in town, looking to move to suburbia (I'm not even gonna go into how I feel about renting) yet in this current situation I could only get another job that'l keep me in anxiety and il be battling with negativity. At least thats the perspective I've been grasping at this point. I dont drink or do drugs, I did late teens but thats all gone now, I hate television and the radio. Though I still resort to escapism though searching for 'truth' and meaning, one thing I do enjoy, but feel its necesarry to designate to a leasure of free time. And while this has helped me somewhat internally, life still sucks.. currently, and I see it has potential. I have 2 cars which I've been thinking of selling to pay off what I owe for them, but I only think that when they're out of sight, I suspect if i just get rid of them I'll gain a pocket of releif. I used to train regularly at the gym, motivation drops in and out, and I've bee n having troubles with food, meat and processed stuffs weirds me out, but causes conflict at home if I do my own meals or requests. Finally there's music. Always seen myself as someone who could put a unique album together that at least a couple people would like, I've been getting strong anxiety when playing or writing anything lately. I guess I wonder things like, 'I should really be writing happy kind of music or a bit more peaceful. Fundamentaly.. Its all too much..

Thats me.

I need to take action so I don't keep retreating to extremely negative thinking.

My perspective is flexible and I guess I struggle to define effective decisions that is correct for my circumstances.

Thankyou for the opportunity to reach out. I'm willing to hear anything you guy's have to say.

Another thing that gets me going is my daughters mum. I always feel that If I get my self on a good path thats prospectful I may get another chance to provide for them two. She's not having a good time with her employment and man it burns. I wish I could start again..