just want to tell someone!

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for telling us at the forum who care about you 🙂 It's been a busy Sunday on SANE so a bit of a delay in replying to you.

Even though other Mums & Dads look like they are managing everything, they either have lots of support or are often "stressing" behind the scenes. Life can be overwhelming when you are a working Mum, dealing with legal matters and MI too. Try and take some time to ground yourself with soothing music, a bath, a walk or something that helps you to let go a bit. Make a list of the essential things to do this week and put off or leave what you can.

Some practical suggestions.....

Child's birthday party: maybe he can choose 3 special friends and take them to the local pool with picnic food (low cost). Find out if they have inflatables and go then, lots of fun. Or a cool local park with lots of fun play things. Ask another child's parent to stay and help you supervise and limit party to 2 hrs.

Booking appt. for meds - most important. Can you email the clinic or contact them via website or SMS? Otherwise, just pop in. Ignore the eyebrows - maybe she has a tick 🙂 You possibly judge yourself the most, try compassion instead. You know many of my clients have difficulty talking on the telephone.

Don't worry about the housework, you're doing the basics and the best you can. Most family homes are untidy much of the time (mine included). There are much more enjoyable things parents can be doing...

Do you have any family / friends you can ask for support? Small, practical tasks that will help you? This is the time to call in the supports. Try not to think about things that are beyond your control, like the family assessment. Don't use your valuable energy worrying about the outcome, put it out of your mind and focus on what you can do each day to take care of yourself and yr children.

Best wishes,

Frog

@Former-Member

It makes sense you are on empty. You are attempting a lot. Keeping birthday parties simple is important. a few friends and an activity is enough ... there can be a lot of pressure to compete with exciting events but dont buy into it... It a bit like a marathon runner has to conserve energy .. and pace themselves ... maybe an old fashioned egg and spoon race could be a laugh.

Only you know the best balance. You have fantastic courage.

The mod is right many poeple dont let on how much they are struggling.

In my planning I often go for being sure I can manage the tasks ... and not burn out ... and as I got older planned for more and more down time ...

About the phone .. its funny as I was so paranoid about what people thought of how I looked ... whether it was my clothes or manner ... part of the way I developed confidence was on the phone...
Many clinics are developing alternative booking methods ... mine has online options ... ask next time you are face to face.

You are undertaking a task that usually takes 2 adults to manage ... so its a huge ask ... gradually figure out your bottom lines ... and develop a style you can accept .. more parents dont make it better though ... and sometimes confuse the mix. So be secure in your position .. but cut the cloth ... to your situation.

Thinking of you bella

Hi @Former-Member,

I agree with @Former-Member, people may look like everything is easy, but behind the scenes it is controlled chaos, you are doing really well, so you can't get everything done you want to in the day, i always tell myself their is tomorrow, you only have a few weeks until school breaks up for the easter break, maybe then you can catch up a little 🙂

Gentle hugs my friend, sending you well wishes.

Jacques

You're not alone in feeling this way. I struggle with 'everyday life stuff' too. Sometimes I get so immensely overwhelmed over the simplest tasks, but if I write everything I need to do down I feel better. Sometimes the list is only 4 things long as well and it only seemed big when it was swimming in my head 😛
Obviously its not going to be short in your case, but it can still help, espcially if you break it up into week by week which shortens the list even more, and keep the low priority things, like cleaning, down the bottom. Maybe you have already done this, I don't know.
Good luck with everything! You sound like a very strong person!

Thank you eveyrone,

sometimes it just helps to vent it out i think. I'm feeling a bit better today physically at least, but stressing about how much work ihve to do tonight to get ready for the school week, both at school and home organisation stuff. My lists are so long, I've written up a list that is just what i absolutely have to get done today, to be ready for tomorrow and i feel sick. i'm not sure i can face school tomorrow but so afraid of the consequences of telling anyone that im not coping and just hoping that if i can somehow keep going that this wil pass and i can make it not tomention that calling in sick would require teaching notes for the day that would take forever to write 😞 Holidays are five weeks away because Easter is so early this year and next week is swimming week at our school AGHHHH!!! so i just need to dig abit deeper and suck it up abit and JFDI! i hope i can

LJ

Hey @Former-Member

I don't have much more to add than what has already been said - but I just wanted to say hi and know that I think you're doing a wonderful job.

You talk about managing the 'every day stuff' but a lot of what you have going on isn't 'every day stuff' like court, managing medication and being a teacher. As you know, I use to be a teacher, and I've never had to be as organised and planned in so much depth in any other job. I hope you give yourself the credit you deserve in managing everything you are managing.

Some schools I worked in were fantastic at being supportive. Like, one school spread the KLAs across different teachers, so one would plan Maths for the term, one English and so on. Other schools were the opposite, where teachers were competitive and kept everything to themselves. Sometimes I wonderful Assistant Principal would make all the difference.

What's your school like?

The school is very different to any i've worked in before @NikNik most times that I've gone to see someone about anything i've been told to put it in an email, absolutely everything is done by email, no one speaks to each other and the staffroom is often empty at breaks. The JP group stay in their building and the same with the middle school people, then there are three teachers in the top floor where i am but one of those is friends with the middle school people so i think she goes there at breaks.

They use specific resorce bases that i've not used before and thats been a steep learning curve on its own iwas so terrified to hand in my progrmming because id used some other stuff as well becasue im not familar with all of the new stuff. but its been weeks and nobody's said anything about my planning and im not sure if thats good or bad.

Its very much do your own planning, at my last school we worked in teams to do the planning together as you described, and i suggested that early in the term, witht he two teachers i work next to but it didnt really go well.

My class is very challenging with 11 NEP and some ESL children. A teacher laughed when i said i had a big group of spec needs kids and said well you are the contract! because even though im permanent im only at the school on a year to year basis but have already been told i will be mostlikely there next year..

i enjoy my class though and each of the kids is beautiful, its just so hard to manage. i do have an almost full time sso in the classroom to help one child with severe behavoiur/violence/self harm and she is just wonderful other wise i really dont know how i'd cope. but im not sure ican do this forever.

lj

Maybe think in one day, one week and one term blocks.

Glad you have an assistant, often they ground the other students a lttle too, even though their focus is only on one child.

I can understand why you might resist phoning to make doctor appointments for yourself. it might tie into some of the self denial we go through as mothers. That is, you make plenty of appointments for your kids, but YOU are worth it too.

Take care lj