Hospital, so frustrated

Hi @Anwah82

Glad you’re here but sorry for the circumstances.

Just a thought but how would you feel about just starting with talking about talking? You don’t have to go into the story but could start by talking with the therapists about your fears about talking because maybe they can help with some of those fears. That would be a start and maybe not as scary as talking about the trauma. It doesn’t even need to mean you will, you can then decide how much or little to share as you go. Baby steps still get you to the same place and sometimes even quicker than forcing yourself to jump.

D x

Hi welcome to the forums, it is a difficult one hopefully someone ha shad some experience in this and can offer you support. It may take a while as some people may be off line. take care and look after yourself

Hi again @destructive I was helped by your tips to @Anwah82 such sound advice, very logical and using common sense especially "talking with the therapists about your fears about talking because maybe they can help with some of those fears," thank you, so simple and yet it shows the way forward using those baby steps so simple. You may have noticed my very first post was all about struggling to share, or more precisely 'Difficulty with sharing - Second attempt.' So maybe @Anwah82 we have something in common. Maybe getting it off your chest while you are in a safe place, could lead to a quicker recovery, just a thought to ponder. Hugs and more hugs.

Hi Anwah82

I only just saw your post. How are things going? I have been in a clinic before, for 6 weeks and they all had their expectations about me talking and i didn't want to. But i needed to share somehow or i would have gone crazy. Anyhow i started writing about my feelingsandmy depression. My writings led me to verse writing, which i found very cathartic. When i am writing a verse i feel very in touch with my emotions, my heart and and my soul. When i have finished writing i feel such a sense of relief, perhaps you could try it. And i started opening up more and more with my psyche. I have included below, one of my verses about depression. I would love to hear back from you. Ishy

Please help me

I know why my heart is in so much pain

I am all too familiar with the thoughts in my brain

I’ve been here before

Now I’m here again

Someone help me … please help me

There is nothing but depression inside of me

A state of such regression, it will be

I have to give in, I cannot keep going

I feel like I am choking, desperately choking

I can hardly take a breath

If I can’t breathe soon … I fear there will be death

My heart is shattered

It has no love to give me

It looks at me with sadness

It knows it can’t relieve me

I know why my heart is in so much pain

I am all too familiar with the thoughts in my brain

I’ve been here before

Now I’m here again

Someone help me … please help me

It seems like an eternity

For a day to go by and end

I sit and think paralysing thoughts

And listen to my heart cry … like there will be no end

This debilitating condition has control over me

I try to fight it … I beg it to go away

But it comes with such force

Comes and has its way

I know why my heart is in so much pain

I am all too familiar with the thoughts in my brain

I’ve been here before

Now I’m here again

Someone help me … please help me

Lots of pills I take and swallow

But sometimes they just don’t help

Something stronger takes over my mind

Something of a sinister kind

I’ve forgotten what I look like

I’ve forgotten my real face

For the one I have now is distorted

From existing each day in this state

Suicide thoughts come and go

I need to leave this deathly state

To leave this chronically sad person behind

And take my soul to another kind

My body is exhausted

My mind is frazzled

Someone help me … please help me

So weak I can hardly speak

But then I hear a curdling scream from within

‘I banish you, depression

Far across the seas

Your crippling ways are not welcome here

I am the captain and I will steer.’

That's a tough position to be in @Anwah82. But I think you already know what you need to do. You need to get your story out, so that the pain will ease. Once the story is told, you'll then be able to work through techniques to help with your flashbacks and panic attacks .

Sometimes it's hard to voice our story. Speaking aloud is too scary.

Maybe you could write your story. Get it all down on paper, and then let your psychiatrist read it.

Another alternative is Art Therapy, which is generally offered in hospital. You could tell your story through art and then show that to your psychiatrist.

It won't be easy. But it will be easier than keeping it all inside.

You just have to rip that bandaid right off.

Hi @Anwah82

Are you in a private clinic? Just curious.

I've previously held back on not sharing with health professionals - both because of not knowing to and being fearful. I've recently accessed my notes and can now see that it would have been helpful for me to share and be honest, it would have given the staff direction on how best to support me, they are there to help.

all the best, keep us updated on how things go along.

I have been in this situation. Look within and find a 'safe harbour'. Maintain that state and you can change your situation. Meditation techniques amplify this state of inner trust. I chose Buddhist chanting because it gives energy to your voice.